


sugar water

by lectrolamb



Category: The Outer Worlds (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Felix grows up, Felix learns how to do actual praxis, Other, dumb of ass pure of heart, i crave chaos apparently, i just love me some Felix, why am i doing this oh god
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2019-12-15
Packaged: 2021-01-16 02:55:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 35,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21263921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lectrolamb/pseuds/lectrolamb
Summary: did you ever think, Felix?I mean like, in a general sense, did you ever use your brain? Okay, okay. I'll be serious. I mean...Did you ever think you could build something, instead of destroying it?Did you ever think you were a man, and not a boy?Did you ever think you could have something to hold on to, some solid ground beneath your feet?A family? A home?-----"Hey, boss. Any particular reason why you live like... like you ain't got time left?"She didn't answer, and busied herself with her flask."Oh, stars. You sick? You dyin'?""It ain't that simple, Felix. I got someone waiting on the Hope for me. Someone I got a duty to.""Oh." His heart sank. "Like... a husband, or a lover, or somethin'?"She shook her head."Family. Blood."-----This is a story about two people growing up - a process which is often messy, difficult, painful, and stupid. Especially when you're on an outlaw spaceship fighting oppression and restoring justice at the behest of a mad scientist, extra especially when things like love and friendship get involved, and super extra especially when everyone has guns. Lots and lots of guns.





	1. born under punches (the heat goes on)

**Author's Note:**

> very brave and sexy of me to start writing fic for a game this new. this will basically be a write-along for my second playthrough (I FINISHED MY FIRST PT LAST NIGHT AFTER ID ALREADY STARTED WRITING THIS LOLLOLOL) i know it's currently unconfirmed but i'm 10000000000% in the bi Felix headcanon camp so, yeah. also i wrote the last bit of this while drunk so please excuse any typos or grammatical errors thanks i love you bye

Morning crashed into Felix Millstone, heavier than a Hammersmith. His head was pounding and his mouth was dry and tasted faintly of Rizzo’s Purpleberry Liquer. He felt a weight next to him, and blinked until the world came into focus.

Sprawled out on a Rest n’ Go bunk. A sheet of auburn hair was draped over his arm, belonging to a pretty Lost Hope serving girl. She had to have been even drunker than him last night, cause he was batting way above his average. Better to slip out before she woke, save her the regret. Besides- he snuck a glance at his watch - he’d be late for work at this rate.

He carefully disentangled himself from the body in bed next to him, and scrambled to gather his clothes from the floor. A bottle of Caffenoids rattled around in the pocket of his vest, and once he was dressed, he shoved a handful into his mouth. Should’ve stuck with Spectrum - Rizzo’s always gave him a wicked hangover. Sweetness was his weakness, after all. He threw a little half-smile at the sleeping girl in bed, and slipped out the door.

Another day, just like every other. Nine long hours hauling boxes. Mind-numbingly boring. It wouldn’t be so bad if he could make friendly conversation with his workmates while they labored, but the foreman was always watching and hated fraternization. Said it made them less productive. Energy spent talking was energy that could be spent working faster, moving more cargo. So for nine long hours Felix worked in silence. He strained his muscles moving 60lb boxes out of and onto ships, and occupied his mind with all the things he did in his free time just so that he could have something to think about during work.

He thought about his aetherwave shows and movies. He imagined himself bounding across the dangerous wilderness of Monarch, slaying ferocious beasts, raking in bits, and breaking hearts. He looked around the warehouse and tried to see it through the eyes of an anti-corporate spy, imagining where he would hide to eavesdrop, the terminals he would hack, the secrets and subterfuge. He dreamed of the tossball field, that he was the Ranger’s new first back, a rising young star, and the crowd of thousands was cheering, screaming, a deafening wall of noise all for him. He thought of the pretty Lost Hope serving girl and imagined he was the type of guy who that type of person would actually like - and when those thoughts ran out he thought of the quick, desperate drunken scrambles with Back Bay girls and boys that were more suited to the type of guy he actually was. He simply so desperately wanted to be anyone, anywhere, but who and where he was. Felix Millstone, space pirate. Felix Millstone, tossball star. Felix Millstone, infamous man of mystery, adventurer, hunter. But not Felix Millstone, box hauler. Not that.

The monotony was soul-crushing. He felt the very core of him being eroded, chipped away. The daydreaming helped, most of the time. Sometimes it didn’t. When it didn’t was when he turned reckless. Drinking, bar fights, gambling, harassing the Mardets, being dangerously promiscuous. Anything to feel _something._ The days melted into each other, a formless blur, blocks of dreadful labor punctuated with hangovers, scraped knuckles, regret, bad pulp serials, and the overwhelming ache of longing. Begrudgingly he worked, like everyone else, just waiting. Waiting for something to change. For something to happen. For a ship to come in, and take him off this damned station.

The only thing to mark the days, for him, was tossball matches. The Rangers had an awful season so far, but that only made Felix more of a fanatic. It was easy to root for the winning team. But the Rangers, now - they were the underdogs. And Rangers fans stuck together. Rangers fans understood each other. The only time Felix felt like he was a part of something was when he was watching matches at the bar, cheering his team on with his comrades.

That was the only reason why he knew what day it was, on that particular day. The day his life changed. The day his ship came in. June 20th, 2355. The Rangers were playing the Darlings for a shot at the pennant. The stakes were high, the excitement even higher, and Felix had put down a heap of bits on his boys. He’d taken the early shift so he could get off in time to watch the game, and he’d scored with a looker last night. He whistled as he made his way to the docks, an extra bounce in his step. He felt good. He felt confident. The Rangers would win tonight. He knew it.

The only time dockworkers were allowed to fraternize was during their lunch breaks, and some of them kept tossball sticks in their lockers. If they didn’t eat and just popped some Fast Ration Pills, they had time for a quick match on the empty dock. A nice way to blow off steam, and always extra spirited on game day. His friend Rodger was a Thunders fan, and taunted him mercilessly as they played.

"I don't know how you do it, Millstone. Rangers are doomed. Always have been, always will be. Doesn't it hurt, being disappointed over and over again?"

Felix grinned as he caught Rodger's toss and lobbed it back at him.

"Maybe a bit, but I can handle it. See, I'm a _man._ I'm strong. I don't take the easy way out by just pickin' the most popular team. I got principles, and I stick to 'em."

The workmen seated around their makeshift arena snorted and jeered.

"Principles, huh? I'm gonna be feeling mighty principled later tonight when I take all your money."

The sound of impact. Ball to stick. Rodger missed it, and the ball rolled out of bounds. Point for Felix.

"Not a chance, buddy. Not a chance."

Suddenly, the mood of the laborers changed. The joy was sucked out of the air, and some of the color too. Felix turned to look, and his mood soured immediately. It was the foreman, William. Arms crossed, a smarmy-ass look on his stupid face, all buttoned up in his starched UDL uniform.

"Please, gentlemen, don't stop on my accord."

Felix frowned, but served the ball all the same. He could feel that asshole's condescending eyes, and tried to focus on the game instead. The spectators grew quieter, disinterested. It was no fun when the boss was around, and if the boss knew, he didn't care.

"It's remarkable to me, honestly. How anyone can support a team as dreadful as the Rangers."

He missed that catch, and glared over his shoulder at the foreman.

"No surprise, though, that he plays as bad as his favorite team."

"_What_ did you say, William?"

"It's sir. Address me properly, or not at all."

"What did you say, _sir_?"

No matter how much venom Felix injected into his words, he was still calling him sir. It was still a victory for the foreman. William smirked.

"Much better. I said you play horribly, just like your Rangers."

"Why don't you come out here and play, then? Show us what you can do?"

"I wouldn't lower myself to entering the field with you. I'll just enjoy watching the Chosen clobber the Rangers next time they play. Which they will. Clobber them, I mean. Thoroughly."

Felix didn't know why he snapped. He didn't know what pushed him over the edge. Maybe it was the fact that he'd been in such a good mood earlier, and now it was ruined. Maybe it was the hangover. Maybe he had some strange sense of what was coming, that salvation was near, that he could _let go._ Whatever it was... he let go. Big time. Let go of the rage, the frustration, the leashed pride. He saw red, his knuckles went white around the handle of his tossball stick, and he launched himself at the foreman.

He'd broken the foreman's nose and knocked him out cold before the armored UDL goons stationed around the dock heard the commotion and came over to pull him away. The other workers just watched, passively. Watched Felix beat the shit out of the foreman, and watched him get dragged out by corporate enforcers. It wasn't like they all hadn't fantasized about doing that very thing - it's just, Felix was the only one stupid enough to actually do it. Shame, they muttered after he was gone. How would he earn a living now?

* * *

  
He should have felt panic. Should have felt guilt, regret. Gainful employment was what separated the decent people of Halcyon from the indecent, and he'd just lost his. But he only felt a soaring, exhilarating sense of freedom. Maybe he didn't want to be decent. Maybe indecency suited him more.

It was still a good day, even better. The Rangers were _definitely_ gonna win tonight.

A corporate trooper was following him, yelling in his ear, but he wasn't listening. There was only one thing he wanted to do right now. He was striding towards the landing bays, reaching into his pocket for his smokes. He meant to watch the ships come in, with a mind at peace.

There was a nice spot to post up, with a good view of Groundbreaker's four landing bays and a sturdy stack of crates to lean against. He made himself comfortable and lit a cigarette. The trooper was still going. Felix blew smoke in his face. It didn't do much except piss the guy off, because he was helmeted, but that was good enough for Felix.

"Buzz off, clank."

"_Buzz off?_You little twerp, I oughta... do you have any idea what the fine is for assaulting a corporate employee?"

Felix shrugged.

"So write me up. Can't pay a fine if I don't have a job."

If he could have seen the trooper's face, he was sure it would be beet red. There was almost steam venting out of his helmet.

"I'm getting a Mardet. Don't move."

"Oh, sure. I'll be right here."

He rolled his eyes at the troopers back. Finally, some peace and quiet. Two of the bays were occupied - one with a Sub-Light ship and one with a Hephaestus freighter, fresh from Scylla. There was another ship coming in. A Yakita transport, with no corporate insignia. A big, beautiful thing, well-worn and covered in stardust. The roar of it's engines filled his bones, and he let the gust of warm exhaust wash over him as the ship eased into dock.

The trooper was back, with a Mardet this time. The Mardets didn't particularly like Felix, but Groundbreaker folk looked after their own. This officer was a young woman who looked equal parts annoyed and amused. She argued back and forth with the trooper. Felix was watching the newly landed ship. A cloud of steam and groaning metal, and three figures disembarked the craft.

"Look, I don't know what you want me to do. We already talked to all the workers on duty today, and nobody actually saw anything happen. I can't charge him for anything without witness testimony."

_Heh._ His fellows had his back. He was sure they enjoyed the show he put on. They weren't like to rat him out. The trio from the new ship was heading down the docks, towards him, towards customs. They wore no recognizable uniform or emblem. There was a girl in engineers coveralls, dirty and greasy with pretty golden eyes. A distinguished looking older man in OSI blues - a preacher? And at the fore, a tall woman, wearing a strange exosuit and helmet. It was obvious. The captain.

The trooper and the Mardet kept at it.

"_I'm_ a witness! Listen, my employer UDL runs these docks, and if -"

The Mardet cut him off.

"No. Groundbreaker runs these docks. Did you forget we ain't like the rest of the colony? We might let you operate here, but _we're_ the authority, not you."

There was very little in the world that felt as good as seeing a corporate thug get told no. The trooper stormed off, muttering something about writing up a report, and the Mardet gave Felix a look like a parent who was disappointed in their misbehaving child. Sorta fitting. He'd never had any parents. He was a child of the ship.

"I know, I know," he waved his hand dismissively.

"I'm sure Lilya will have work for you when you need it. Try and stay out of trouble for a bit, okay?"

Felix nodded, and the Mardet left. The trio of newcomers approached. Now, Felix would be the first to admit that he was prone to dramatics. All those serials had lent him a... cinematic mind. But something strange happened in that moment. The captain took off her helmet, and out fell a mess of wavy hair, shimmering in different shades of brown and plum and silver. There was a quality to her. Like _she_ was shining. Like she was untarnished somehow. Like she was entirely different than everything and everyone around her, in all of Halcyon. Before he knew what he was doing, he’d opened his mouth.

“Afternoon, captain.”

He tried his best to look casual. The captain turned. She looked like a movie poster, with her helmet tucked under her arm, all messy hair and bright eyes. Not a lot of Halcyon girls kept their hair long. It was out of fashion, and impractical for laborers besides. Just another thing that made this captain look... foreign.

She raised an eyebrow like she was surprised, then inclined her head in a friendly manner.

“Afternoon to you, too. In a spot of trouble?”

She gestured at the Mardet and the trooper, retreating back into the station. Felix saw that she was well armed. Very well armed.

“Always. Just the latest in my series of dastardly deeds and delinquent behavior. This time I knocked my boss out with a tossball stick.”

The engineer tried to hide her laughter, and the captain looked amused.

“I’m sure he deserved it.”

“Oh, without a doubt. Had it coming for a long time. But today? Today he went too far. Today, he was talking shit on Rizzo’s Rangers. _My_ Rizzo’s Rangers. On game day!”

“A tossball team, captain,” offered the preacher, as if he expected her not to know who the Rangers were.

“Ah,” the captain nodded. “Are they any good, Max?”

“They aren’t my team, but... sports tend to inspire a violent sort of tribal fanaticism. Altercations like this are common.”

The preacher talked like someone out of Byzantium, all proper-like. Who were these people? What was going on?

“Then I’d say he deserved it.”

The captain smiled. _Stars,_ but she looked nice. Felix cleared his throat.

“Mighty fine ship you got there.”

“Isn’t she?” This was a captain who loved her ship. She was absolutely beaming. “The Unreliable is her name.”

“And what’s yours?”

She hesitated, sizing him up like she was deciding whether he was worthy of knowin’ her name or not. Finally -

“Captain Naomi Nabor of the Unreliable. Pleased to make your acquaintance, mister...?”

Apparently he was worthy. Thank god he was worthy. She extended her hand. Felix tossed his cigarette to the floor, snuffing it out with the heel of his boot, and shook her hand.

“Felix Millstone, former box hauler, now... vagrant and bum, I guess?”

She laughed, and he felt warmth blooming in his chest. That was a good feeling, whatever it was.

“Well, captain, you must have business here on Groundbreaker. I won’t keep you. Sure appreciate you stopping to talk for a spell.”

“Thanks for the warm welcome. Best of luck to you, Felix.”

The preacher, the engineer, and the captain walked away, heading to customs. The engineer looked back over her shoulder with a grin like she knew something he didn’t.

Felix stood, staring up at the Unreliable, dumbstruck.

His ship had come in.

* * *

  
Felix spent the last bits in his account on enough Zero Gee to loosen his nerves and enough food to keep him from getting blackout drunk. He packed up his belongings - everything he owned fit into a single knapsack. Then, he settled in on the docks, and waited.

He paced. He talked to himself. He tried to make notes on his own hands with a black marker but his palms were sweaty and the ink melted away. He practiced his speech. He ran through all his best qualities, everything that could entice that pretty captain to take him away on her ship. He had to sell himself, and so he worked on his pitch. He felt manic, yet strangely calm. This place would be behind him, soon. He was so absorbed with the matter that it took him a minute to realize his name was being bellowed from across the dock.

"Felix! Hey, Felix!"

It was his friend and fellow Rangers fan, Johnny. He had on his jersey and seemed to already be in his cups as he dashed over to where Felix was camped out.

"Come on, man! The game's about to start. I saved you a spot at the bar."

Oh, right. The game. The big game. He'd completely forgotten.

"Actually, Johnny... I can't go watch the game. I have to stay here."

Johnny scoffed and punched Felix in the arm.

"Come on. I heard you got canned today. So what are you doing here? And what could possibly be more important than watching the Rangers _fucking win?!_"

"I'm waiting for someone." Felix pointed to the Unreliable. "You see that ship, Johnny? That's _my_ ship. It came in earlier today and when it leaves, I'm gonna be on it."

"Uhh... what are you talking about? What kinda ship is it and where is it going and who owns it? Did you get the sense knocked out of you earlier?"

Johnny was skeptical. Of course he was. He thought Felix was crazy. Maybe Felix _was_ crazy (okay... Felix was definitely crazy.) He couldn't explain what was going on in his mind or why he was making this decision or why he knew, just _knew,_ with every fiber of his being, that he would be leaving on that ship with that captain and that engineer and that preacher. Adrenaline was coursing through him. He was giddy, he was euphoric, he was floating. These people, here on this station, could never understand it. Felix grabbed Johnny by the shoulders and spoke, breathlessly, straight into his soul.

"I'm leaving this place. I'm getting the hell out." Felix's eyes were wide and wild. "The Rangers _will_ win tonight. I put down 2500, and I'll get double that back. Take my winnings. Do something good with it. Buy a round for everyone. Take a vacation or something. You know there's a whole system out there, right? And we've been stuck on this hunk of metal our whole lives, working our days away to make someone else's money? I'm done. I'm leaving. On _that_ ship. Take care, man."

Felix turned his back on Johnny. He heard his friend stammering, talking, but he wasn't paying attention. He stood straight-backed, his eyes fixed on the Unreliable, until he heard Johnny leave. _Crazy bastard, that Felix. Drunk off his ass._ A grin tugged at Felix's lips. They probably all thought they would see him again tomorrow, hungover and made a fool of. Maybe he would return someday, years from now, when he was grizzled and grey and galaxy-traveled with some sick battle scars. But not tomorrow. He would be gone.

* * *

  
Eventually, his time came. He'd been slumped against a shipping crate, using his knapsack as a pillow, about to doze off when he saw the crew of the Unreliable approaching. He shot up, straightened his vest and ran a hand through his unruly hair, and tried his best to look alert. Captain Nabor looked amused when she saw him.

"Well, well, well. We meet again, Mr. Millstone. You live on these docks, or something?"

"Uh, no. Hopefully, soon, very soon, I live on... that ship. With you." he pointed to the Unreliable and plastered on a cheesy grin. "Okay, Felix. It's your time to shine. Here we go. Let's do this."

The Captain put a hand on her hip and stared, expectantly. The engineer was laughing again, and the preacher could not have looked more disinterested.

"You have no reason to listen to me or take me seriously at all but I have to try. I just have to. See... I think your crew is short one dastardly vagrant-bum. And I know this sounds crazy, but I think it's my destiny to leave on your ship?"

"Destiny, huh? Well who am I to argue with that?"

"Right? That's why I'm here, doing... _this_... acting crazy. It's all a part of that Grand Plan or whatever, right, Mr. Preacher?"

"I hardly think the Grand Architect intends for us to take on drunken jobless strays at every port we visit."

"Now hold on, Max. Let the young man make a case for himself. I'm willing to hear him out."

"Okay, so. Reasons why you should let me on your crew. Number one - I knocked my foreman out with a tossball stick. Think of all the other people I can knock out! All your enemies - my stick, their face. You point, I hit. No questions asked, boss. And I'm a Rangers man, so you know my toss is strong."

"This is very true. We don't currently have a... tossball stick-wielder on our crew."

"And you need one! Reason number two - cultural enrichment. I may be wrong, but I get the idea you... aren't from around here. Well, there's no one better than I, a proper working class Halcyon man, to give you a crash course in Halcyon culture. TV, movies, media, sports, class relations, common references, how to drink with the people, and so on and so forth. This is very important and will give you a leg up in all your business dealings, personal relationships, diplomatic relations, and other such affairs."

"He's right, you know," piped up the engineer. There was a lovely country drawl to her voice. "Half the things I try to talk to you about you ain't got no clue of."

"I know, Parvati, I hate it! I hate being out of the loop! He could help me!"

So that was the engineer's name, Parvati. And the preacher was Max.

"Reason number three. Dropkicking." He stopped there, as though he didn't need to elaborate. Dropkicking. That's it. But by the three blank stares he was met with, he went on. "I am a self trained dropkick master. Through careful study of kung fu reels, I have trained my dropkick to be both powerful _and_ deadly. I can, and will, dropkick anything. Anything. A sprat. A raptidon. The police. Mechs. Chairman Rockwell. Nobody in the system is safe!"

The Captain threw her hands up.

"Say no more! You're hired! But I feel like you've got more to say, so go ahead and say it, cause this is fucking fantastic."

He felt a rush.

"Reason number four. I will follow your every order, without question. You may think I have a problem with authority, due to my... previous indiscretions. But no. When that authority is someone I respect, my loyalty and obedience has been described as canid-like. And captain, I don't know you very well - or at all - but I feel like I already respect you. I have a good nose for idiots, and I don't think you're one of them. So... if you've got me on your side, you've got an army. And if you take me off this god-forsaken station, I will be eternally in your debt."

There was a little more emotion in that last bit than he would've liked. His voice shook a bit. It was very uncool, and horribly earnest. And... he couldn't meet the captain's eyes, afterwards. It was a bit too much, the way she looked at him, then. Like he said something she'd been desperately waiting to hear her whole life.

"We're gonna have to talk about that one, Millstone. If you're on my crew, you're my equal. That means I _want_ you to question my orders. I _want_ you to challenge me. I _want_ you to contribute. And if I hire you, I'm not doing you a favor. I'm hiring you only because you have something to offer me. Which you do. Ya dig?"

He swallowed.

"Sure, boss. I dig."

"Then welcome aboard, Felix Millstone. Happy to have you."


	2. possibly maybe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Max and Naomi had started moving on ahead up the path. They made it a few paces before they realized they were one set of footsteps short, and turned back to see Felix standing there by the ship with his mouth open, staring up at the sky. 
> 
> “Oh,” the captain said, with a soft smile. “That’s right. He’s never been off that station.”
> 
> She could see, reflected in his eyes, the psychedelic sherbet colors of the sky. Sweetest, gentlest blue, bold magenta and orange, and the sweeping rings of Terra 2. 
> 
> “By the Architect,” said Max. His voice was uncharacteristically tender. “Look at what you’ve given him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi friends (and if you've read, left kudos, or commented so far you ARE my friend deal with it) i'm back with chapter 2!!!!! thank you sooooooooo much to everyone who has left kudos or comments so far im really floored by the response so far. i love the Felix fandom. we were all sooooooo thirsty. im reading so much good Felix fic out there. Felix/M!Stranger, Felix/F!Stranger, FELIX/VICAR MAX....... it's all so good. anyway enjoy this chapter i hope you're ready for our boy to exhibit some alarming bottom energy. i love you all have a good weekend <3 <3 <3

“You ever killed someone before, Millstone?”  
  
Felix and his captain stood in the cargo bay of the Unreliable. She’d laid out a variety of weapons on the workbench - a small pistol, a sawed-off shotgun, a plasma cutter, and a shiny revolver. It was but a portion of the Unreliable’s arsenal. Weapon lockers lined the cargo bay.  
  
“Can’t say I have, boss. Thought about it a few times, but never gone all the way.”  
  
Naomi was doing... something... with the pistol. Taking parts out, rearranging them. Felix didn’t know enough to understand what it was but he sure enjoyed watching her hands deftly do their work. It was sorta entrancing.   
  
“I did for the first time, just about a month ago. When I came here. Not a good feeling. Not a bad feeling, either,” she mused, tilting her head. “Just... different.”  
  
She handed the pistol to Felix. There was a practice dummy at the end of the cargo bay. They’d dressed him in a pilfered HHC uniform and gave him a very silly greasepaint face. His name was Reginald and he was already full of holes. Poor Reggie.   
  
There was a pleasant heaviness to the gun. He tossed it from hand to hand. Once on the aether he’d seen a gunslinger twirl his gun. It looked mighty cool. He’d look mighty cool if he did that. So he hooked his finger through the trigger but he miscalculated the weight and the pistol clattered to the floor and misfired, straight through a shipping crate in the corner. It was so, so much louder than he’d expected. He winced and covered his ears.  
  
Parvati poked her head out from the engine room above.  
  
“Felix! Don’t shoot the captain!”  
  
“Sorry, boss.” He picked the gun up sheepishly. He expected to see an angry captain. An annoyed captain. A disappointed captain. But she was smiling.  
  
“S’all right, Felix. I appreciate a flair for style. But you gotta learn the basics before you can get fancy. So let me teach you how to shoot, and then we can move on to tricks and such.”  
  
For the next hour, she showed him the way around every weapon on that workbench. Showed him how to reload, shoot, and aim. How to look for signs of wear and prevent misfires. All the guns felt good to shoot, real good, but he liked the shotgun best. Liked how he could feel it in his bones, down to the soles of his boots, when he shot that one. Like how loud it was. How it blasted a hole the size of a mag-pick in Reggie. He felt... power. Power. Something he’d never felt before in his life.   
  
Sometimes, the force of the recoil staggered him, and he lost his balance.   
  
“It’s your stance. Here.”  
  
Gently but firmly, the captain placed her hands on his hips and angled them to the side. Then, she placed one of her feet in between his and guided his legs apart.   
  
“There,” she spoke low and close to his ear. She had a perfume about her, spicy and sweet. His heart jumped into his throat. “Wider center of gravity. Now you won’t be unseated.”  
  
She stepped back, but not after bringing her eyes up to meet his for a moment. There was a sort of spark in them. Like she knew what she was doin’, and enjoyed watching him squirm.   
  
And he was squirming. Sure, maybe he wouldn’t be knocked back by the recoil, but he felt like he might just pass out. Catch the vapors. Swoon. He steadied himself, put his weight into his stance, and fired the shotgun. This time he absorbed the recoil.   
  
“Much better. So I’m taking it you favor the shotgun?”  
  
“Don’t get me wrong, boss, I like this gun, but... do you have anything bigger?”  
  
The captain chuckled.  
  
“Sure, but not that we can fire onboard. When we dock in Roseway, we’ll see how you like a grenade launcher.”  
  
“I think I’m gonna like it a hell of a lot.”   
  


* * *

  
  
By now, Felix knew the story of the Hope and his captain’s mission. It didn’t occur to him until much after the fact that he’d begged to join this crew without the faintest idea of the business they did. But he knew, subconsciously somewhere. It was his ship, after all. No way he’d be destined to join up with a bunch of corporate bootlickers. In fact, he couldn’t think of anything grander or cooler than what they were doing here. But there was still something that bothered him. One unanswered question.  
  
“Say, boss?”  
  
He, Naomi, and Ellie sat in the kitchen making pleasant work of an evening. Max was in his room as usual, and Parvati tinkering away at the ship's engine. Ellie and Naomi played cards while Felix flipped through an action comic. There were various snacks and opened alcoholic beverages scattered on the table.   
  
“Yeah, Felix?”  
  
“How is it you know so much about guns but you say you never killed anybody until you came to Halcyon?”  
  
“There’s a difference between practical knowledge and applied knowledge.” She studied her hand of cards thoughtfully as she answered. “I learned about guns from corporate training manuals. Only just now had the chance to put it to use.”  
  
“Corporate training manuals? What was your line of work back on earth?”  
  
He saw her shoulders stiffen. In leisure time she’d taken to wearing a pair of engineers coveralls with only one strap fastened. Beneath she wore a dingy tank. She had strong arms. She liked to show them off, and he liked to see them.  
  
“Science.”  
  
She answered curtly. None of them knew her very well yet, but it wasn’t like her to be short with her crew. Ellie raised an eyebrow.  
  
“Oooookay. Science. Very specific, thank you.”  
  
“My pleasure, Millstone.”  
  
She caught his sarcasm and tossed it right back. Ellie snorted.   
  
“So like... rocket science? Nuclear science? Food science? Mad science?”  
  
“The science of getting you to shut the hell up. We're still working on that one.”  
  
“Leave it be, Felix,” Ellie piped in, her voice a warning. “She doesn’t wanna talk about it. Woman has a right to her secrets.”  
  
Naomi threw her cards down and sighed. Well, at least Felix wasn’t the only one annoying her.  
  
“I ain’t aiming to keep secrets. I just don’t wanna talk about it. What does it matter what I used to do on earth? I’m not on earth anymore, and what I do now is captain this damn ship.”  
  
She pushed her chair back and left in a huff. Felix let out a low whistle, and he and Ellie exchanged a ‘we’re in trouble’ look.  
  


* * *

  
  
They disembarked in Roseway, on Terra 2. There was the matter of the grenade launcher he was promised, but there was something else. Something more pressing, that hit him as soon as he stepped out of the airlock. Something he hadn’t expected or thought about until this very moment.  
  
Beneath his feet was dirt, and rocks. Grass stretched out all around, plush and green. There were trees, hundreds of them, tufts of crimson red rustling in the breeze. The breeze... god. His lungs were raised on stale, recycled ship air. This air... he inhaled and felt it all the way in the tips of his toes. It was fresh and bracing and fragrant with a thousand different things he couldn’t identify. It stung his eyes, brought tears to ‘em.  
  
Max and Naomi had started moving on ahead up the path. They made it a few paces before they realized they were one set of footsteps short, and turned back to see Felix standing there by the ship with his mouth open, staring up at the sky.   
  
“Oh,” the captain said, with a soft smile. “That’s right. He’s never been off that station.”  
  
She could see, reflected in his eyes, the psychedelic sherbet colors of the sky. Sweetest, gentlest blue, bold magenta and orange, and the sweeping rings of Terra 2.   
  
“By the Architect,” said Max. His voice was uncharacteristically tender. “Look at what you’ve given him.”   
  
Indeed, there was something reverent in this moment, even for the usually irritable vicar. To see someone experience something like this for the first time... it was real special. They moved to Felix’s side and waited patiently for his awe to pass. After a few moments he turned to the captain. He was... stunned. Eyes wide, sparklin’ like moonstones, a healthy flush over his skin, looking like he didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. He opened his mouth, but no words came.   
  
“Pretty cool, huh?”  
  
“Holy... holy shit,” he finally managed to utter. Max and Naomi laughed. The captain looked at this crazy, stupid boy, with his messy hair and unbridled enthusiasm, and somethin’ strange stirred within her.   
  


* * *

  
  
Roseway was a fantastic learning experience for Felix. Stepping off that spaceship was one of the defining moments of his life. It was magical. Thinking about it later on gave him the shivers. But after that, well... Roseway was pretty much hell.  
  
It was a ghost town full of corpses. Blood literally ran through the streets. There were dead workers and dead soldiers and lots of dead rapts. The stench of death was heavy, oppressive. Place had been abandoned for a long time. Felix had only just seen plants for the first time and now he was seeing how they could consume an entire town. How thick branches could crack through cheap prefab housing, wrench it apart at the seams. How ivy could blanket things so completely you wondered if there was anything under there at all, how it could drape from powerlines like streamers for a party no one was invited to. It was beautiful, and scary. The dead bodies were not beautiful. Only scary.  
  
“I’m not keen on killing marauders,” explained the captain as they trekked the wilderness from abandoned secret lab to abandoned secret lab on errand for crazy asshole scientists. “Got no quarrel with them. Way I see it, their only crime is deciding to live a life outside of the law, and laws ain’t always right. Max, don’t even start with me.”  
  
She held up her hand to cut off the vicar, who already had his mouth open. Felix thought there might be steam coming out of his ears.   
  
“But sometimes, they give us no choice. You’ll learn fast, Felix. It’s kill or be killed. When someone is coming at you with intent to murder, you stop them, by any means necessary. And you don’t feel bad about it. Understood?”  
  
“I think so, boss.”  
  
He didn’t understand, just by being told. But he did by doing. He’d had the chance to test out his grenade launcher on a few rapts, and he loved it just as much as he thought he would. But he wasn't prepared to take his first human life. He wasn't prepared for the look in that marauder's eyes as he charged towards Felix with a sabre. Intent to murder. Felix knew what his captain had meant, now. But behind that intent to murder was a boy who couldn't have been much older than Felix himself. If things had gone differently for Felix, would he be the one marauding? But it didn't matter. He wasn't. Felix Millstone had a ship and a crew and a captain and he wasn't going to let himself get killed. So he shot the marauder, and when his enemy's body was burned to ash, a life that once had been was no longer and Felix felt ten years older than he had before.   
  


* * *

  
  
They met a pretty outlaw, name of Cassandra, who’d beaten them to the corporate secrets Gladys has sent them after. Problem was, Cassandra had gotten herself trapped between rapts and corporate troopers. She needed help. Captain needed that scientist's research. But Cassandra flat refused to hand it over. It was the first time Felix saw the captain denied something she wanted.   
  
Naomi leaned into her hip, unholstered her gun, and examined it lazily.   
  
"Well, Miss O'Malley. I'm here for the research, and I'll be gettin' it one way or another. I'll be nice, and let you pick, okay?"  
  
The edge in her voice was chilling. It was violence barely contained, dripping with dominance. Cassandra scowled back.  
  
"Behind door number one you'll find, in my opinion, your best bet. I'll take care of the rapts, clear you a way out the back. Security won't be an issue. You leave this place with your life, and I get Crane's files. Everybody wins."   
  
"Not a chance. This information is mine."  
  
"Alright, then." Naomi began to pace back and forth in front of the cell door Cassandra had holed herself up behind. "Door number two. I leave this place. Leave you with the rapts, and with security. My crew and I take bets on which one will get to you first. Come back in a few days to find your dead body and take the research anyway."  
  
The captain was right. They were Cassandra's only way out, and they had demands.  
  
"Door number three. 'Cause I'm a busy woman, and don't like waitin'"  
  
She took her pistol, which she'd been toying with idly, and stuck it right through the bars of the cell. Flush with Cassandra's forehead. She loosed the hammer with a click. Such a small sound, so large right now. It echoed, rattled around Cassandra's skull. Felix was breathless.   
  
"We speed up the process. I shoot you dead right now and take the research. I'm gettin' it either way, Cassandra. The choice is yours."  
  
"You kill me, you'll have my crew to deal with."  
  
"I assure you, we'll have no problem with them."  
  
Cassandra lowered her voice.  
  
"Do you... do you know what this research is?"  
  
The captain's pistol was still against her head.   
  
"Yes. I read Crane's notes."  
  
"So... if I give it to you... what will you do with it?"  
  
Naomi lowered her pistol. She understood, now. Cassandra didn't want that stupid diet toothpaste to make it to production at another corp. She didn't want the workers to starve. Well, neither did the captain.  
  
"I aim to sell it to Gladys Culkelly, on the Groundbreaker, in exchange for a navkey to Monarch. What do you know about Groundbreaker?"  
  
"They're independent. Free from the Board."  
  
"Not only that. They hate the Board. They aren't gonna sell that info to one of them. I'd put down money that this information will be used to blackmail Auntie Cleo. You've seen what they did to this place. How classified it is. They'll pay a good amount to keep anything from getting out. I sure am sorry you have to miss out on those bits, but... you're an outlaw. You know how it goes. I've got the upper hand right now, and I really need to get to Monarch."   
  
"Fine," Cassandra said bitterly. "Take care of the rapts, and I'll give you the research." There was a sort of begrudging respect in her gaze. Like she knew she'd been bested, fair and square, but that didn't make her feel any better about it.   
  
"I'll make it up to you, O'Malley. Next time we're on the same planet I'll buy you a drink. Now Max, Felix. Let's go put these rapts to sleep."   
  
She turned away from Cassandra's cell, and her crew followed.  
  
"We aren't gonna kill 'em?" Felix piped up. Naomi looked back at him with a sheepish smile.  
  
"Nah. I think they're kinda cute."

* * *

  
  
  
**DIARY OF FELIX MILLSTONE**  
  
**PRIVATE!! DO NOT READ!! ELLIE THAT MEANS YOU!! PUT THIS DOWN AND GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!**  
  
**July 1st, 2355**  
  
Figured I should start writing my thoughts down, in case I ever start losing my mind.  
  
Cause I feel like I might. Feel like I already am? Feel like I just got really super drunk one day and imagined all this. Imagined that a big beautiful ship came into port and took me away. Imagined that I beat the shit out of my foreman and it felt so good, and then I was flying through space, and then I got to walk on Terra 2, and... hell. My imagination could never come up with something like that. I'm pretty sure this is all real. It's really happening. But I still worry I'll wake up back on the Groundbreaker and everything will gone.  
  
So I'm writing it down. I'm gonna reinforce my reality.  
  
I'm on a ship. A ship called the Unreliable. It's captain is a woman named Naomi. Believe it or not, she's one of the colonists from the Hope. Yeah, that one. The one we all thought was lost forever. That crazy scientist from the wanted posters, Phineas Welles? He found the Hope. And he could only wake up one of 'em. So he picked the Captain. I think he picked well. So now our mission is to find a way to wake up the rest of the colonists. Dr. Welles says the people on that ship can save Halcyon. Save it from the Board. Captain thinks so, too. I think if the rest of 'em are anything like the Captain, our odds are pretty good.  
  
My crewmates are a colorful bunch. I'm sure they've got some choice words about me, but this is my journal, so I'm gonna say what I want about them. When I first met the Captain she was with an engineer from Terra 2 named Parvati, and a vicar named Max. Parvati is a real sweet girl. She's got a good heart, I can sense these things. Wish she would be more confident in herself, but I guess that's something I need to work on, too. The vicar, on the other hand. Well, he's a vicar. Pompous asshole. Thinks he's smarter than everyone but if you took away his order and his laws and his stupid Grand Plan he wouldn't know what to do with himself. Captain picked up someone else on Groundbreaker, too. Ellie, the sawbones, who’d better not be reading this I swear to god. Ellie’s all cool and detached. Ellie only cares about money, only cares about business. Ellie doesn’t trust or get close to anyone. Or so she says. I think there’s somethin’ soft under there.  
  
And then there’s the Captain. Naomi. Doesn’t feel right to call her by her name, and not her title. Maybe one day it will. The Captain is... I’ve never met anyone like her. Never even conceived anyone like her could exist. She confuses me. To start, I can’t fathom what compelled her to hire me on as crew. Don’t think it was my “interview.” Hope not, cause that was pathetic. I’ve seen her be gentle and cruel in equal measure. Thought she was gonna kill Cassandra O’Malley, honest to god. She spoke to me like that and I’d give her whatever she wanted and beg for my life. But she didn’t kill her, and then she had us sneak all around carryin’ gas canisters so we didn’t have to kill the rapts. Said they were cute when they were sleepin’.   
  
She kills well but doesn’t do it lightly. I can tell she’s a woman of principles but I don’t know where she got them from cause she won’t tell me a lick about her past. Which I guess is fine, but... I wanna know. Got a strange inclination to know everything about my Captain. On a personal level. After all, it’s thanks to her I got off that station.   
  
Can’t believe I’m saying (writing?) these words, but we’re headed to Monarch next. After a quick stop back on the station, we’re headed to Monarch. I, Felix Millstone, will be on Monarch. Killing monsters, swashbuckling in a lawless land, raking in the bits and glory at my captain's side. I think beating up my foreman was the best thing I ever did.   
  


* * *

  
  
  


Lab notes // M.Nabor // October 8th 2230

Preliminary experiments with plasma show progress. There is still the matter of atmospheric pressure. We must be prepared for anything. It’s my hope that by integrating the tellurium flow grid, we can stimulate the interdimensional isotope to account for pressure changes. Winston is breathing down my neck. I’ve told him a thousand times, we can’t work any faster than we are. This can’t be rushed. It could have devastating consequences. I will protect my team.

Love is a quantifiable thing. Love is a chemical reaction in the brain. The force of love can be measured. Love is atomic. I love that child. Even if her name eludes me I will know her face always. It’s a part of my DNA. It’s in my cells. She is angry with me, and thinks I don’t realize it. I’m crazy, not stupid. She wants to stay here, on earth. This is where her life is, she says. I’ve told her there is no life here, not for much longer. She doesn’t have a choice. If I get on that ship, she has to as well. It’s a terrible thing, losing your agency. I wish I could tell her how much I understand that.

We will have a better life in Halcyon. Maybe she will have more freedom. Maybe she can leave me behind and live for herself. I’d like that, for her. 

That is the measurement of love. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ join me on tumblr ](https://forevermarked.tumblr.com/)


	3. something about contentment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> or, aetherwave and chill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was super fun and sweet to write ahhhhhhhhhhhh love me some Felix fluff !!! thank you again so much to everyone who has been reading, commenting, and leaving kudos <3 i appreciate you all so much

Felix didn’t mean to eavesdrop. But he was passing through the cargo bay and heard his Captain talking from the cockpit and there was some timbre in her voice he’d never heard before and curiosity took hold and he poked his head around the corner.  
  
She was seated in front of ADA’s communications terminal. The face of Dr. Phineas Welles was on the screen. He somehow looked nothing like his wanted posters, and exactly like his wanted posters. Younger, more lively than Felix had expected.   
  
“We got a Stellar Bay navkey, Doc.”  
  
“Wonderful! I knew you could do it. What did you think of the Groundbreaker?”  
  
She was silent for a moment.  
  
“Weird to walk on that ship, knowin’ it’s just like the Hope. Knowin’ she’s trapped out there, somewhere, frozen, on an identical ship. Made me wonder why the Groundbreaker deserved to live but the Hope didn’t.”   
  
Her voice was so unbearably sad, sadder than Felix had ever imagined her being, for as bright as she was. Dr. Welles responded with a kindness that could only have been personal.  
  
“I know, Naomi. I know it’s hard. That’s what the Board does. They make senseless, arbitrary decisions based on nothing but profits, with no regard for the lives they ruin. But the Hope isn’t dead. Not yet. The Hope has you.”  
  
The Captain sighed, heavy and weary.   
  
“I know. I just hope I don’t mess this up, Doc.”   
  
“You won’t. I took you off ice for a reason.”  
  
The conversation delved into specifics about their mission on Monarch and Felix hurried away feeling like he'd heard something he wasn't supposed to. Which was kind of the point of eavesdropping, but... the image he had of his Captain didn't mesh with what he'd heard. His Captain didn't wallow in sadness or give any quarter to self-doubt. Plus she already said she didn't want to talk about her past but he'd just heard her mention someone who was still on the Hope and she seemed awfully close to Dr. Welles, and he was gonna stew on these things for the rest of eternity without being able to ask her about them, and everything he found out about her just made him more curious. It was equal parts frustrating and delightful but later that night as he lay sleepless in his bed looking out at the stars, he decided he wouldn't have it any other way. He didn't plan on leaving this ship or this crew any time soon. If she aimed to be a mystery, he had plenty of time to solve her.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
Early one morning before they landed on Monarch, the Captain came to Felix’s room. An assertive knock, a moment, and she entered. Felix was sitting on his bed writing in his journal. He didn’t know why, but he sat up a little straighter when she was around.   
  
“Morning, Captain.”  
  
“Morning, Felix. Can I ask for your help with something?”   
  
He closed his journal and set it aside.   
  
“‘Course. Whatever you need, I’m your guy.”  
  
“Remember your, uh, interview?”  
  
_Law_, he wished he didn’t. But he swallowed, and nodded.  
  
“Remember what you said about cultural enrichment? Well, we’re headed to Monarch. I wanna know what to expect.”  
  
She pointed at the Terror on Monarch poster on his wall. They’d come across it in the nearly-empty bar at Roseway, and Felix was so taken with it that later she’d came back and haggled with the barkeep to buy it off their wall. He never shut up about that show, and he was so happy when she gave it to him. Naomi considered it a valuable skill to find joy in the small things in life. Felix had that, and she aimed to cultivate it.   
  
“Oh. _Oh_. You wanna watch Terror, boss? Hell yeah!”  
  
She smiled.  
  
“I think it’ll be good... research .”  
  
“You known there’s twelve episodes, hour each?”  
  
“Mhm. I’ve cleared my schedule for the day. Parvati’s with Junlei, Ellie’s doing some business on the station, and Max is... well, the usual.”   
  
Felix looked like he was trying so, so hard to contain his excitement. He inhaled sharply.  
  
“Boss. This is gonna be awesome. Go to your quarters and come back in fifteen, okay?”   
  
As she waited downstairs, she heard a great deal of movement and commotion coming from above. Hurried footsteps, the heavy scraping of furniture being moved, Max yelling at Felix to be quiet... what in the stars was he doing? Fifteen minutes on the dot she climbed the stairs to Felix’s room and saw what it was causing all that noise.  
  
The lights were off but she saw the glow of an aetherwave screen from below a... blanket fort? He’d pushed his desk to a few feet in front of his bed and draped blankets from the top of his bunk over the desk. He must have taken extra blankets from the empty cabin because it was big. It was like a tent.   
  
“If we’re gonna be marathoning Terror, we gotta do it right.” Felix stood at the side of his blanket fort with his hands clasped nervously. Would she think this was stupid? Would she be annoyed? He didn’t _think_ so, but... it was impossible to read her face. She just blinked.  
  
He cleared his throat and held open the entrance to the blanket fort, ushering her in. As she ducked down to enter she gave him a look like she was bewildered, amused, annoyed. Then, he heard a bright peal of laughter, and knew he’d done the right thing.  
  
There was the aetherwave screen propped up on a crate, a mound of pillows, little safety lights twinkling everywhere, and a hefty stash of beer and snacks. It was unbearably cozy. Naomi made herself comfortable, and Felix sidled up next to her.  
  
“Well this is fucking great.”  
  
“Glad you think so. Used to do stuff like this all the time on the station. Not much privacy as a stowaway, sometimes you gotta make your own.”   
  
Felix fumbled with the remote for a moment and then the screen burst into color. It was the lurid, pulpy, sensational menu screen for Felix's collection of all twelve Terror on Monarch episodes. He popped the lid off a bottle of Zero-Gee and handed it to his Captain, then one for himself as well.  
  
"Breakfast of champions," Naomi quipped as they clinked their bottles together and then drank.   
  
"Feels kinda naughty to be drinking this early in the morning. And to be spending the whole day watching shows. Feels like I should be getting in trouble."  
  
"It's research, Felix! I'm your captain, and I've ordered it!"   
  
He grinned. His life sure was different now, than it had been before. He pressed play and the two of them leaned back against the side of his bunk.  
  
“I’m so excited for you,” he whispered. “Wish I could go back and watch it for the first time.”  
  
Terror on Monarch was... the sort of thing that had no actual substance, but was incredibly entertaining. It was comforting to know that television hadn't gotten any better over the past seventy years. The heroine of the story was a young woman with cornsilk blonde hair and rosy cheeks. Naomi hadn't been in Halcyon that long but she knew well enough that nobody in this blasted colony looked like that. Hell, nobody had looked like that back on earth, not for a long while at least.   
  
"That's Halcyon Helen. We're supposed to be on her side, but she's a bootlicker."  
  
“Yeah, I can tell.”  
  
Obviously it hadn’t actually been filmed on Monarch - it was all cheaply built soundstages and props. If the show’s portrayal of Monarch was at all based in reality, Naomi expected it to be an exceedingly yellow place full of mushrooms and bubbling sulfur pools.   
  
The show wasted no time in introducing Halcyon Helen to her nemesis. The Chief of the Savages and his wild army. Lawless raiders who took joy in terrorizing the decent people of Monarch. Pillaging settlements, ritualistic sacrifices, cannibalism, and worst of all... no jobs. Their Chief was a tall, broad man with crazy hair and crazier eyes. But he was a good leader, Naomi could see that. Kept his people unified, even if what he was keeping them unified in was anarchy and crime.  
  
“I like him,” Naomi mumbled around a mouthful of purpleberry munch.  
  
“Oh, just wait. You’ll like him even more by episode six.”  
  
They sat with their shoulders pressing together. The Captain was hugging a pillow and resting her chin atop it. As they got further into the series the pile of empty beer bottles grew. They laughed freely. They heckled the actors. They paused it at times to delve into rambling tipsy discussions. They went to Monarch and back without even leaving the blanket fort. Felix wasn’t the brightest but he wasn’t_ that_ stupid. Whatever reasons the Captain was doing this for, it wasn’t for research. He felt a sort of overwhelming, fuzzy warmth radiating out from a point in the center of his chest.   
  
Captain made it to the second-to-last episode before her eyelids started to feel heavy. It’d been eleven hours - eleven very pleasant hours, and lots of beer. Halcyon Helen had let herself be captured by the savages and was planting a bomb in their base, but she’d gotten busted by the Chief. It was all very exciting but not enough to keep her awake any longer. She nodded off, and her head fell to rest softly on Felix’s shoulder.   
  
He felt like ADA was turning the ship on a barrel roll. His insides flipped. He could smell her hair, feel the warmth of her skin somehow through both their clothes. Carefully, so as not to disturb, he turned his head to see her. She looked so peaceful like this. Nothin’ at all like the fearsome captain he knew her to be. Her chest rose and fell in a gentle rhythm, and her eyelashes cast a shadow atop her cheeks through the cool blue aetherwave light. He smiled.   
  
“It’s okay,” he whispered into her hair. “The ending sucks anyway.”  
  
He closed his eyes and leaned his head against hers. Sleep came easier than it ever had in his life. Something about contentment. Under the most innocent of circumstances, only a couple weeks after meeting, Felix Millstone slept with his captain. That’s what he told himself, at least -_ technically_ they were sleeping together! The commotion of Parvati and Ellie returning to ship woke them a few hours later. After shaking off the sleep, they got up and started to dismantle the blanket fort.  
  
“So what happened, in the end? Can’t believe I fell asleep and missed it.”  
  
“Didn’t miss much. You already know how it ended. Halcyon Helen and the lawful force of the Board ‘crushed the savages and restored order to the dangerous land of Monarch.’” He put on a mocking voice for that last bit.   
  
Naomi wrinkled her nose.  
  
“Boring.”  
  
“Right?”  
  
They folded blankets, stacked pillows, gathered their trash, and pushed his desk back against the wall. When they were done, Captain stood there like she didn’t quite want to leave but didn’t have a good reason to stay. She rolled her shoulders and cracked her neck.   
  
“Well. We did good work today, Millstone.”  
  
“Sure did. Couple of proper researchers, us.”  
  
She glanced at the digi-clock on the side of the bunk.   
  
“Got time for a few hours of decent sleep. You should get some rest. Tomorrow we fly to Monarch, for real.”  
  
It was still so surreal. Doubt he could sleep at all, from the excitement of going to Monarch and the strange twisty feeling in his gut when he remembered the weight of her, the warmth of her, the scent of her. But he nodded, and rubbed the back of his neck nervously. She gave him a little smile and turned to leave.  
  
“Night, boss.”  
  
“Night, Felix.”  
  
She closed the door behind her. Felix exhaled. But two beats and the door was opening again, his captain poking her head back in.  
  
“Don’t take this as me talking about my past, cause it’s not.” The words spilled out of her quick, like she couldn’t keep them in. “But I never got the chance to do fun stuff like that when I was a kid. So thanks. I mean it.”  
  
“Well I never got to feel useful just for showing someone my favorite serial. So thanks yourself.”  
  
“Get some sleep, Felix,” she said with a grin, and left for good. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> join me on [ tumblr ](https://forevermarked.tumblr.com/) oh and check out [ this ](https://forevermarked.tumblr.com/post/189003100311/i-saw-a-few-ppl-doing-this-so-u-know-i-had-to-hop) cute edit of Naomi i made!!


	4. looking glass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Monarch stinks. Literally, not figuratively. The crew of the Unreliable gets rip-roaringly drunk with the huntress Nyoka, and makes new friends in Amber Heights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey i love y'all thanks for reading commenting and leaving kudos <3 implied smut at the end of this chapter. and things will get smutty soon in general. maybe.......... if we're lucky................ also this chapter is 75% me dealing with the fact that i think Zora Blackwood is hot as hell

Monarch was, to Felix’s surprise and disappointment, nothing like the serials.  
  
First and most pressingly, it fucking stank. Which he supposed wasn’t something they could really portray through an aetherwave screen, even if they wanted to. From the instant they stepped off the ship and onto the landing pad, the stench of sulfur was overpowering. It burned Felix’s eyes and he could taste it on the roof of his mouth. Parvati had some choice words - curses he didn’t even know she knew - and the Captain was trying her hardest to seem unfazed but she couldn’t stop the coughing fit.   
  
The settlement of Stellar Bay stank like saltuna and sulfur, which was just great. It was a very strange place, Felix thought. Here was an entire planet free of the Board’s control. The potential was limitless. And yet Sanjar Nandi and his Monarch Stellar Industries seemed to be doing everything they could to shackle the planet back to the Board. It was kinda sad. Like a jilted lover trying desperately to win back their ex, who had been an asshole to begin with. The people of Stellar Bay worked just like everyone else in the colony, they struggled just like everyone else in the colony, they wanted and scrounged and barely lived just like everyone else in the colony. So what was the point?   
  
They had a lot to do on Monarch, but they couldn’t leave Stellar Bay until they found and hired the huntress Nyoka. Dr. Welles had told them in no uncertain terms that if they went out into the Monarch wilderness without a guide they would die a horrible and painful death. Law, it got Felix’s blood pumping. Maybe the wilderness would be more like the serials. They asked Grimm, the overly cheerful guard at the landing pad, where to find the huntress Nyoka. He gave them a look and directions to the town's bar.   
  
Nyoka was there. A strikingly beautiful woman in fine hunting clothes, with dark skin and vibrantly colored hair. She was very, incredibly, ridiculously, probably dangerously drunk. Just absolutely sloshed. Precariously perched on a barstool and telling a story to the barkeep who unfortunately had no choice but to listen. Her words were slurred so badly Felix couldn't understand what she was saying but he thought he heard something about a mutated mega-mantiqueen?   
  
The Captain sidled up to the bar all smooth-like and ordered drinks for herself, Felix, and Ellie. Barkeep seemed grateful to have an excuse to step away from Nyoka for a bit. Captain drank whiskey. Felix had always thought of it as kind of an old-person drink, but he was developing a taste for it. Nyoka eyed them suspiciously from across the bar.   
  
"You..." she pointed at Naomi. "Y'arent from here?"  
  
"Maybe not. What gave it away?"  
  
"Got a look. Too clean. This colony ain't drug you through it's dirt yet."  
  
Captain smiled. Felix had a similar sort of thought about her when they'd first met. She wasn't soft, not by any means, but he knew exactly what this drunken huntress meant.  
  
"Oh, I'll be _filthy_ any day now, I'm sure."   
  
"So where ya from?"   
  
"You wouldn't believe me if I told you."   
  
“Try me!” Nyoka lunged across the bar, excited. A challenge flipped a switch in her. Captain made a show of exchanging looks with her companions and then leaned in and whispered, like she was telling a scandalous secret.  
  
”Earth.”  
  
Nyoka pushed herself back and scowled.  
  
“Yer fuckin’ with me.”  
  
“I knew you wouldn’t believe me. Didn’t I say so, Felix?”  
  
“Sure did, boss. But you’re pretty unbelievable.”  
  
“Ellie, tell her I’m telling the truth!”   
  
Ellie shrugged.  
  
“She’s a bonafide Earth popsicle.”  
  
Nyoka snorted into her glass.  
  
“What, d’they forget to thaw you out on Groundbreaker? Or-“  
  
The huntress stopped cold, eyes shooting open and then narrowing suspiciously.   
  
“No. N-no way. That’s not... it’s imposshible...”  
  
Naomi tossed back the rest of her whiskey and motioned to the barkeep for another. Suddenly Felix was very conscious of his unemptied glass, and rushed to catch up with his Captain. She didn’t acknowledge Nyoka’s disbelief. Like it was below her. Like she wasn’t gonna justify it. Nyoka did not like that.   
  
“Okay. Okay. Say I did believe you. I don’t. What’re you doin’ here?”  
  
“I’m after some information.”  
  
“What kind?”  
  
“The... valuable kind?”  
  
“So you mean t’see Hiram.”  
  
The information broker. Naomi nodded.  
  
“If you’re leaving the settlement you need a guide. Wilderness’ll eat you up. And by wilderness I mean rapts and mantisaurs.”  
  
“I know.”  
  
The Captain gave Nyoka a very pointed look, and slowly it dawned on the huntress. She started laughing. Nyoka’s laughter was bright, boisterous, and unrestrained. It made Felix happy.   
  
“Got a strange feeling I’m about to be hired.”  
  
“It’d be awful rude of me to jump straight into talkin’ business without buying you a drink first.  
Barkeep?”  
  
Oh, Nyoka liked this strange lying foreigner. 

* * *

  
Felix didn’t remember much else about that night. Whatever followed was accessible to him only in bright, blurry, dizzying flashes. Somethin’ about the Captain and Nyoka egged each other on, and they drank so, _s_o much. And Felix didn’t wanna lag behind, so he did too. Ellie drank in moderation, smartly, and stayed out of ethical obligation. As a doctor she couldn’t leave these people alone, at this level of intoxication. Someone would be injured.  
  
He remembered at some point skipping stones on the saltuna pond behind the warehouse. How they got through the warehouse, he didn’t know. He remembered the Captain being able to skip her stone the furthest, of course. She threw it with delicate precision, even drunk, and it bounced joyously into the reflection of the gas giant Olympus in the saltuna pond. Trying to impress her, Felix launched his stone with far less delicate precision, and it bounced off the helmet of a MSI guard on the other side of the pond. The three of them ran away giggling hysterically like misbehaving schoolchildren. Ellie just sighed.   
  
He remembered Nyoka taking them up the fire escape of the tallest building in Stellar Bay. It was a guard watchtower but she knew the night guard was always abandoning his post. They could see out into the wilderness from there. The strange, mushroom-like trees. The horned mountain. The sulfur pools. And if Felix looked hard enough, he could see movement in the darkness, close to the ground. His chest tightened when he imagined what manner of beasts lurked there.  
  
Nyoka produced a flask of something homemade, some sort of industrial strength moonshine. Felix couldn’t be sure it wasn’t actually paint thinner. She mumbled something about it being a special recipe she only shared with friends, and the three of them passed the flask around. It made Felix’s face numb, and the Captain’s cheeks turn bright red. Nyoka pointed at the horned mountain and explained that it was Devil’s Peak, where the information broker Hiram Blythe lived and operated out of an abandoned HHC relay station. Then she pointed in the general direction of some other Monarch points of interest. Amber Heights, where the Iconoclasts lived. Fallbrook, the Sublight run hive of leisure and vice built into the side of a mountain. All the ruins - of Rizzo’s Cascadia labs and the parts of Stellar Bay that were overcome by outlaws and beasts. Felix felt like he could fly. He looked at his Captain and felt like he was flying.  
  
She was shining more than she ever had. Her hair had come loose around her face and she had this soft disheveled air about her. She was listening to Nyoka so intently, like a child at story time, her eyes following where Nyoka pointed, her mouth open. He didn’t know what Earth was like, or had been like when she lived there, but it seemed like the Captain was just as excited to see what Halcyon held as he was. Maybe she had spent her whole life in one place, too, even if it was a bigger place than his. Maybe everyone was just waiting on their own personal Groundbreaker for their own personal gorgeous Captain to come and take them away. So who was her Captain?  
  
Stars, he was drunk. It was never good when he started getting philosophical. The Captain turned to look at him right then. He was so busted. Surely he'd been gawking like a lovestruck maniac. She smiled.  
  
"Whatcha lookin' at?"  
  
Well, fuck. Might as well lean into it.   
  
“You,” he answered softly, his throat bobbing.   
  
For a minute, the world was still. The sulfur-saltuna stench dissipated. There was only her. Olympus behind her, the wilderness of Monarch stretching out all around, the huntress and the sawbones... background noise. Cause she was looking at him like she knew. Like she understood. Whatever he was trying to say... she heard it.   
  
Nyoka chucked an empty bottle in his general direction and the world came rushing back. Including the smell. Oh god, the smell.  
  
"I'm gonna be sick," he mumbled. He clamped a hand over his mouth and rushed to the other side of the guard tower. Poor, unfortunate streets of Stellar Bay. The girls laughed hysterically, until they were out of breath and doubled over.   
  
Felix, Nyoka, and the Captain woke up late the next morning, in a heap just inside the Unreliable's airlock. Ellie had made sure they got back onto the ship, but that was where her patience ended. They dragged themselves off the floor and up the stairs, where the Captain made the whole crew breakfast. Ptero eggs and cystipig tumors, and sweet black coffee. Felix watched her cook and when she sat a plate down in front of him she laughed at his messy hair. Ellie regaled them with tales, disguised as complaints, of their drunken exploits of the night before. Max tried very hard not to look amused by any of it. Parvati shook her head and said she was glad she'd missed it. Nyoka grinned from behind her steaming tin mug.  
  
"Cap, I can't remember the last time I had that much fun. I sure hope you've got room for me on your crew."  
  
"Be honored to have you, Nyoka."  
  
"Excellent. Got a few taxidermied rapt heads to move into that empty bunk."  
  
The table bubbled with activity, laughter, and friendly chatter. For the first time in his life Felix Millstone knew what it felt like to have a family.  
  


* * *

  
  
Amber Heights was a serene place.   
  
In the midst of the decidedly not-serene Monarch wilderness, it was... quiet. Tucked beneath an amber-speckled rock formation, the Iconoclasts made their home.  
  
Felix had always been interested in the teachings of Philosophism. It was comforting and made sense to him, that chaos was order. That there was no plan, no architect. Just an infinite series of random happenings, the whims of a living universe. He thought it quite foolish for mankind to pretend they could understand or even name the forces that drive existence. He listened to their radio broadcasts and read their pamphlets when he could, but as was often the case, the working man had little time for study. Now, he would have a chance to visit their home, their base of operations. To speak to Graham Bryant, the founder of the movement, himself.   
  
Graham was the least interesting thing about Amber Heights. What he had accomplished was amazing, but... he seemed disinterested in ever moving past his initial achievements. All he could think about was recruiting more Iconoclasts. What he would do with them once he had them, he didn’t seem to know. He only spoke in platitudes and had a largely inflated sense of self-importance. The Captain didn’t like him one bit, and Felix... he was trying. But it was hard.  
  
The Iconoclasts were a remarkable community of people all working towards a common goal, for a common cause. It was the first time Felix saw meaningful labor. Not just pointless robotic working because it’s what people did and the corporations needed profit. Working for the community. The hungry needed feeding. The power needed to stay on. The sick needed medicine. They needed a safe, stable place to study, to learn, to... philosophize. And for that, they worked.  
  
At the helm of this meaningful labor was a woman named Zora Blackwood. It quickly became apparent that she was the true leader of the Iconoclasts, and Graham only in name. She was sawbones, commander, tactical chief... she was a Captain. And Felix saw something odd happen, when his Captain met this one.   
  
Zora was a strong, handsome woman. A bit shorter than his Captain but just as broad. She had short cropped ginger hair and a face covered with freckles and almost as many scars. When Zora Blackwood and his Captain locked eyes he could practically see sparks flying. He’d never seen her flirt with anyone before. She hardly had to try, it was that smooth. And Zora wasn’t ready for it. It made Felix feel weird and he wasn’t sure why.   
  
Nyoka said it was good to get a foot in every community on Monarch, so they helped out the Iconoclasts for a bit. Parvati serviced their machines and Ellie helped Zora figure out how to stretch their meager medical supplies. Nyoka taught them how to lay traps, and the Captain showed them how to better maintain their weapons and more efficiently recycle ammo. Vicar Max stayed far away from Amber Heights, of course. And Felix, having no specialized skill, helped wherever with whatever he possibly could. If something needed moving, or getting, or shooting, or finding? He was on it.   
  
One day, he and the Captain went on an errand for Graham and Zora. They received occasional shipments of supplies from Stellar Bay via a woman named Carlotta, who was on the MSI payroll but sympathized with the people of Amber Heights. They were going to rendezvous with Carlotta and retrieve this month’s shipment.  
  
“Shame they gotta rely on Stellar Bay for these supplies,” Felix said as they trekked through the Monarch wilderness.  
  
“Mhm,” responded the Captain. “And I can’t imagine it’ll last much longer. Bet you all the bits in my wallet Sanjar knows about it and is just waiting for an advantageous time to cut them off.”  
  
“Shit...”   
  
“Self-sufficiency is important, Felix. I know you’ve a mind to anarchy. What does anarchy teach us? No gods, no masters, right?”  
  
“Damn right!” Stars, just the phrase got him going. To live a life like that... it was all he wanted.  
  
“So why do people have gods and masters? What purpose do they serve?”  
  
For a moment Felix was silent. It was a warm afternoon, and the countryside was particularly lovely. Nyoka had been right - he was getting used to the smell of sulfur. The Captain walked ahead of him with her assault rifle at the ready. Her hair was tied up and she wore leaded armor similar to what the Iconoclasts wore, only stripped of their insignia. There was a smudge of machine grease on her cheek. She’d been working hard lately.   
  
“I dunno, boss. Guess people feel like they need ‘em.”  
  
“People _do_ need them. They need what they provide. Safety, shelter, food and medicine. Entertainment. Purpose. The corporations control these things, and only by serving them are we allowed access.”   
  
Felix was quiet. The Captain continued.  
  
“Think about it. Could you live without Rizzo’s? Without Spectrum Vodka and saltuna? If you couldn’t find these things could you feed yourself? Could you brew your own vodka from potatoes? If you got sick and there was no corporate infirmary could you diagnose and treat yourself? Even your serials. Could you live without them?”  
  
“Well... completely on my own, boss, I don’t think I’d last very long.”  
  
She smiled back at him.  
  
“Probably not. But these things we all need, things the corporations give us - they can also be provided by a community. Like Amber Heights. They got different people with different jobs. Doctors, hunters, cooks, mechanics, teachers. There’s a place where you aren’t left to fend for yourself but neither are you dependent on a power structure. A place where you’re supported by a community.”  
  
“Sounds like the perfect place.”  
  
She nodded.  
  
“It is. Amber Heights is close. So close to being self-sufficient.” Her voice softened. “I want to help them get there.”  
  
“Boss, I think you’re the smartest person I’ve ever met.”  
  
The Captain snorted.  
  
“Must’ve not met many people.”  
  
“I mean it. Never thought about these things before. Only knew I didn’t wanna be a corporate bootlicker. Can’t say I gave much thought to the alternatives. What if... what if the whole colony was like that? A community? No more Board, just... people helping each other?”  
  
She slowed her pace so they walked side by side.   
  
“That’s the goal, Felix. My goal, I mean.”  
  
Felix felt his heart swell. If he wasn’t sure before, now he was. This was the right place for him to be. This was his ship, his crew, his mission. Didn’t even know what it was he wanted to work towards until she’d told him. And she was the one he would follow.  
  
He cleared his throat.  
  
“Boss, I, uh... can’t help but notice you aren’t bunking with us in Amber Heights.”  
  
“No, I’m not.”  
  
Law, she was gonna make him work for it.  
  
“So where are you sleeping? On the ground outside beneath the stars? At the bar? On top of the generators? With the rapts?”  
  
“With Zora, Felix. I’m sleeping with Zora. She and I are lovers.”  
  
He tripped. Didn’t expect her to say it so outright. She gave him a look as he righted himself.   
  
“Oh. Cool! I mean, uh...” he sounded so stupid. He kicked himself internally. “She’s a fine woman. And so are you. You deserve some... companionship.”  
  
Were there any sulfur pools nearby because he would love to dive headfirst into one right now. Naomi looked confused.  
  
“Thank you... I think?”  
  
His face burned but Felix Millstone did what Felix Millstone did best and dug himself deeper into this self-made hole.  
  
“Do you... um... do you only like women? Or do you... y’know...?”  
  
He couldn’t look at her but he heard her footsteps stop. She grabbed him by the elbow and spun him around to face her. There they stood, in the Monarch wilderness. He saw some mantisaur soldiers over to the east - maybe he could run over there and get himself eaten up real quick.  
  
“Say what you mean, Felix.”  
  
“Huh?”  
  
“There’s a reason you’ve brought this up. So what is it you really wanna ask?”  
  
She looked at him like she already knew. Cause of course she did. He had a vague memory of her looking at him like that one other time... someplace high up... and then he’d thrown up. Kinda felt like doing that right now. Because she was right. There was something else he really wanted to ask.  
  
Just wanna know if I have a shot, boss.  
  
“Nah boss, this is normal friend stuff. Just wanna get to know my comrades better, yeah? Like, I’ll tell you, I like girls and boys and uh, I don’t discriminate, y’know... in case you ever wanna set me up with someone.”   
  
Her eyes narrowed. She scanned him up and down.   
  
“Fine. I’ll play. I like people. In my life I’ve taken several lovers. Some were women. Some were men. Some were both, and some were neither. The things I find attractive aren’t tied to gender.”  
  
“And what do you find attractive? I’m case I ever wanna set you up with someone.”  
  
A little grin tugged at her lips and they began walking again.  
  
“Someone who is... happy to be alive. I ain’t always sunshine and rainbows but I’m glad to be here regardless, so I don’t wanna be with someone who’s all doom and gloom. Someone with convictions, but who isn’t stubborn. Who can listen and learn. Someone who can make me laugh, and laugh with me. An individual, who can think for themselves. Someone with strong arms, and messy hair, and bright eyes. Someone who loves adventure so much they turn everything into one. Someone... well, someone kinda like you, Felix.”  
  
He tripped again. She laughed, and he sputtered, searching for words, something, anything.  
  
“Come on,” she spoke before he could embarrass himself further. “We’ll be late for our rendezvous with Carlotta.”  
  
Once she was ahead of him again he did a stupid little celebratory dance. The embarrassment was all worth it. After seeing her flirt with Zora he knew well enough when she was turning the moves on him, and she’d answered his question loud and clear.   
  
He had a shot.  
  


* * *

  
  
Naomi lay with Zora Blackwood in her bunk. The two women were entwined in a hazy, tender post coital embrace. Naomi was resting her head on Zora’s chest, and Zora had her arm wrapped around Naomi’s shoulder. With her finger, Naomi traced lazy circles over her lover’s skin. Zora had finely muscled shoulders, and just like her face they were covered in freckles and scars. Her whole body was, and Naomi felt like if she closed her eyes she could map them all out. Because that was how she loved.   
  
Zora ran her fingers through Naomi’s hair. Unrestrained, it spread itself across the bed and both lovers, whirling tendrils like the gas clouds on Olympus. It was so much, and so beautiful. Naomi was finding that her hair was a major source of fascination for the people of Halcyon. When she wore it tied up, complete strangers asked her to take it down, tried to touch or grab it. Zora’s fingers gently raking from her scalp down the length of her hair, slowly and repetitively, was likely to lull her to sleep.  
  
But something was keeping Naomi from sleep, and Zora could sense it.  
  
“What’s on your mind?” Zora spoke softly into Naomi’s hair.   
  
Naomi sighed and trailed her fingers down Zora’s bicep.  
  
“It’s depressing. I don’t want to ruin the mood.”  
  
Zora hooked her fingers under Naomi’s chin and tilted her face up. She kissed her deeply, languidly. Even just at the touch of her lips, Naomi’s body responded, her hips buckling and heat pooling between her legs.  
  
“Nothing can ruin my mood after what we just did,” Zora whispered huskily. Naomi smiled. Yeah... if she tried to stand up right now, her legs would probably give out. She’d lost count of how many times she’d cum under Zora’s hand. And Zora never had a mind for numbers so she was sure she’d lost count too.   
  
“I’m just thinking about... about Earth. About the people I left behind. But I’m the one who feels like I got left behind.”  
  
Zora was silent, stroking Naomi’s hair.   
  
“It’s been seventy years. How many of my friends are dead? What were their lives like? Did Sven ever get married? Was Jodi ever able to hold down a job for more than a few months? Evans was sick... did he ever get better? Did any of them ever think of me? Did they miss me?”  
  
“How could they not?”   
  
Naomi smiled. That was nice of Zora to say.  
  
“Life went on, back home. We left and life went on without us. And if someone hadn’t rescued us - well, me, I guess - we’d be floating out there dead and forgotten. Forever. We still might.”   
  
“I can’t imagine what you’re going through,” Zora said softly. “And I don’t know what to say to make it better. But... you ended up in Halcyon anyway, after all. Right where you were supposed to be. I’m glad you’re here, and I’m not the only one. If you took off on a colony ship to another system right now, I know of a lot of people who would miss you."  
  
“Thanks, Zora,” Naomi snuggled deeper into the woman’s embrace. Slowly, sleep came. Her dreams were haunted by the specters of those not quite left behind, but not with her, either. Those colonists slumbering on the Hope, who didn't even know they'd been abandoned. Waiting for something they didn't even know they were missing. She dreamt that she walked among the halls of the cryo chambers. There was cool blue light, silence, and serenity. Then she heard their voices. All of them, all at once. A crushing wave of sound. Hundreds of thousands of cries for help, overlapping, dissonant. She clapped her hands over her ears and curled into herself, but it did little to stem the tide of noise. One particular voice cut through, clear as crystal. A voice Naomi knew deep in the marrow of her bones, in her very DNA.  
  
  
_Are you happy? _The voice asked her.

_Do you feel free now, at last? _

She awoke with a gasp, in a cold sweat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> join me on [ tumblr ](https://forevermarked.tumblr.com/)


	5. colors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a waterfall, a crazy kiss, hints and clues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOVE U ALL <3 <3 i usually don't update this fast but i've been like, wanting to get to the good stuff oaksjfaksfhdsg like buildup is so important but IM READY!!!!!! so yeah. thanks again for reading, commenting, and leaving kudos <3

**July 28th, 2355**  
  
Boss and I had a real interesting conversation the other day. Enlightening, really. She told me about communities. About how a community can care for itself.  
How people rely on each other, and everyone contributes and everyone gets what they need. There’s nobody sitting on top taking a cut of everything the community produces. They work for each other, and themselves. It’s what Amber Heights is like, sorta. And she told me it’s what she wants for Halcyon.  
  
Seems to me this is just how things should be, everywhere, all the time. But after we talked about it I got to thinking. I’ve never experienced anything close to this in real life. It’s a totally foreign concept to me. Sure, Groundbreaker was an independent station. But it didn’t do things that much differently. Growin’ up as a stowaway, it was... ruthless. If you helped someone else eat, that was food you were takin’ out of your own belly. No one to look out for us, other kids more likely to hurt you than help you. Then you’re an adult and it’s the same old shit only with a slightly civilized veneer slapped over it. Nobody ever cared for me so I never cared for nobody. Never had a reason to.  
  
I think our crew is kinda like this. Our own little community. Everyone contributes, we take care of each other, we work towards a common goal. A goal the Captain shared with us. Even the Vicar has a place here, I guess. I may not like him, but he provides a needed service. And I’m getting the sense it’s okay to not get along with your family sometimes. Cause you’re family all the same.   
  
Truth is, I’d do anything for these people (EVEN IF THEY’RE READING MY DIARY RIGHT NOW WHICH THEY’D BETTER NOT BE!!!) I’d haul boxes until my back gave out. I’d go hungry until I was skin and bones if it meant they could eat. I’d work forever - I _will_ work forever - because it means something to me. They mean something to me. I really think we can change this colony. Never had something to believe in like that before. Never had anybody who cared for me, so I never cared for anybody.  
  
This all goes ten times for the Captain. Got some real strange, funny feelings about her. Almost scary. How do you tell someone that your life didn’t start until the day you met them? Do I get her flowers? Write her a song? Leave a message on her terminal? It all seems... not enough. Gotta figure it out soon or I’ll end up blurting it out at mealtime in front of the whole crew.   
  
Gotta go - Monarch awaits. We dock in Fallbrook next. Nyoka won’t stop talking it up, and that woman knows how to have a good time. Hope we get in to some trouble down there.

* * *

  
  
If Amber Heights was serene, Fallbrook was chaos. The best kind of chaos, the kind that Felix thrived on. Fallbrook was a humming, buzzing, twirling thing. It was living, packed to the brim with activity, most of it illegal and/or indecent. They stood at the mouth of the mountain the town was built under. There was music coming from the saloon, drunk people in the streets, the sound of a waterfall and ships coming and going from the distance. Strings of bulbs hung between the rocks, lighting the street from above. It reminded the Captain of Felix's blanket fort, and she smiled.  
  
"All right," Ellie was rubbing her hands together. "Let's get into some real pirate shit."  
  
Fallbrook didn't need their help like Amber Heights did. No, their purpose here was much more... self-serving. They had an aim to make money, through criminal means. And, Felix hoped, have a little fun. That's what Fallbrook was all about - money, crime, and fun.  
  
Sub-Light ran the town, and a woman named Catherine Malin was at the helm. She was unpleasant and ill-tempered, but knew how to do business. The Captain rented a private cabin for her crew, a two-story dwelling with a kitchen and showers that overlooked the waterfall. Another thing Felix had never seen before - a waterfall. Bigger, taller, louder than anything he'd ever imagined. It called out to him. He made a mental note, as soon as he had a free minute, to get up closer to it.  
  
The Captain still wouldn't talk about her past, but things slipped out every now and then. Little hints. A person's past was part of who they were in the present, which is why Felix was so curious about hers, and also why she couldn't keep it completely on lock. Like when they were at Rizzo's abandoned Cascadia labs, on a mission to retrieve valuable gas salvage for Sub-Light. She stood in front of the gas tanks, bathed in their purple light, and mused thoughtfully.  
  
"Alta-Vitae... _high life_..."  
  
"What's this gas _do_, anyway?" Felix asked.  
  
"It's a very important part of colonizing other planets. I'm shocked it was left here. Alta-vitae allows scientists to shape a planet's biological life, it's flora and fauna. Most often to the end of making it less alien to us. You think it's a coincidence that we're systems away from earth and there's things like mock apples and nanners?"  
  
"Well, I _did_. But now that you point it out I guess that's kinda... unlikely. So this is like... god gas?"  
  
She snorted.  
  
"That's a way of putting it, yeah."   
  
"How'd you know all this stuff, boss?"  
  
Her shoulders stiffened, and she glared.  
  
"Because I'm smart. How'd you _not_ know it? Come on, let's load this gas onto the ship before we get eaten by rapts."  
  
Her tone made it clear that she wouldn't give him the chance to ask any more questions.  
  
Then there was when they found the abandoned UDL lab out in the Monarch wilderness. She was actin' weird about that from the start, even Nyoka noticed. Jumpy, like she expected to find a mantiqueen around every corner. It was a shady situation all around. The Board was supposed to have left Monarch, so why did one of it's members have a lab here? Were they spying? Gleaning profit from a planet they refused to offer protection to? They found logs on a terminal upstairs detailing how UDL was using Monarch's natural sulfur resources to develop a crowd-control gas. The Captain let out a bitter laugh.  
  
"How unsurprising," she muttered.  
  
Felix and Nyoka chimed in with the typical 'hypocritical corporations' chorus, but something else was going on here.  
  
"Bet there's a lot of people who would be interested in this information, Cap," said Nyoka.   
  
"You think?"   
  
"Sure. Sanjar or Catherine'd probably pay a pile of bits for it."  
  
What the Captain should've done here was take out a disc and transfer the contents of the terminal onto it. What she _did_ do was take her plasma carbine off her back and blast a hole straight through the terminal. Felix and Nyoka staggered backwards and covered their ears.  
  
"What the hell, boss?!"  
  
There were sparks and acrid smoke. The mangled remains of the terminal hissed and buzzed. Felix looked at his Captain and saw that her jaw was clenched. She exhaled tightly and holstered her gun.  
  
"We're leaving._ Now_."

* * *

  
  
One afternoon, Felix caught the Captain leaving their cabin on Fallbrook with a pack slung over her shoulder.  
  
"Where ya goin', boss?"  
  
"To wash my clothes in the waterfall. They stink like that void-damned boarst factory."  
  
"Let me come? Give me a sec to get my things."  
  
She waited for him at the door and they left together. The waterfall and river it fed were a popular spot for washing clothes. Someone had strung clotheslines over the rocks at it's side. They set up shop on the shore, dumping their packs out. Felix didn't have many belongings, never had, but he found he wore through clothes much faster when he was being shot at. Parvati showed him how to darn bulletholes, and most of his clothes were dotted with colorful little stitches.  
  
When he looked over at the Captain she'd tugged her boots off and was lifting her shirt over her head. He caught a glimpse of tan skin and toned abs and looked away, his face burning. Stars... suppose they'd have to wash the clothes they were wearing, too. It was a pleasantly warm day, the rush of the waterfall loud enough that it filled his chest. He started to unzip his vest.  
  
They stripped down to their smalls. He was trying _so_ hard not to stare. The Captain... her body was like a statue or something. He'd never known people were actually built like that. Looked like she could snap him like a twig, and he knew she could cause he'd seen her do it to other people. Suddenly he felt self-conscious. He was in fine shape from hauling boxes so long, but... not like _that_.  
  
With a grin, she chucked a bar of soap at him. He'd been caught. They got to work, laying their clothes out on rocks in the river and scrubbing them down. Then they would hold them under the water. The current from the waterfall was strong, and took with it weeks worth of dirt, grime, sweat, and blood.   
  
"Boss?"  
  
"Hm?"  
  
She was focused on scrubbing her favorite trousers. Her hair had been tied up but it was coming loose, and dampened by the spray from the waterfall.   
  
"Something made you really mad at that UDL lab, didn't it?"   
  
He wasn't expecting an answer, really. He was expecting a 'yeah it did now stop asking me prying questions, Felix.' But for some reason, she didn't prick up. She scrubbed harder and was quiet for a moment.   
  
"I should have stayed on Earth. It was stupid of me to get on the Hope. To let them ice me. I didn't think I had a choice but I... I could've fought harder." She lowered her voice. "All for someone who never appreciated me and never will."  
  
All this time he'd been dying for her to talk about herself and now that she was... it felt like shit. There was clearly a reason she was so disinclined to it, which is what she'd been saying all along and he should have listened but he was stupid and selfish. He looked down.  
  
"I'm sorry, boss, I-"  
  
"I don't regret it."  
  
She looked at him plainly, made sure he met her eyes.  
  
"I don't regret it. Don't think that. It's just... a lot to deal with, you know? I was a normal person back home. I thought I was coming here to work. Then the Doc takes me off ice and all of a sudden I got the weight of the whole system on my shoulders. Sometimes it hits me. At the UDL lab, it hit me."  
  
Felix felt his heart breaking. She always seemed to have it so together, he had no idea...   
  
"You aren't alone, you know? We may not be able to understand what you're going through but you aren't going through it alone. And that weight? It's not all on you. You've got a whole crew to help you carry it."  
  
She blinked, taken aback, and then smiled graciously.  
  
"Thanks, Felix. I mean it. I should... try harder to keep my emotions in check. I have a responsibility as captain. Don't want my bullshit to affect my crew."  
  
"Well if you ever need to let the bullshit out, let me know. Not healthy to keep it all in."  
  
They were done washing their clothes. They hung them on the line and then sat on the shore, leaning back on their elbows. Felix craned his neck up at the waterfall, trying to see the top. He couldn't.   
  
"Hey, boss." He pointed to the waterfall. "Think there's anything behind there? Like a cave or somethin'?"   
  
"Probably," she tilted her head. "Only one way to find out."   
  
For a split second they grinned at each other and then they were both scrambling up to their feet. They ran through the river, laughing and splashing. Felix was the first one to pass through the waterfall.  
  
He wasn't really prepared for what it would be like. To step through hundreds of thousands of tons of rushing water. It was heavy and loud. It was only a split second but it left him breathless and gasping. He brushed his sopping wet hair out of his eyes to see that he'd stepped into a different world. The Captain breached the veil just after him and they stood side by side in this strange liminal space.  
  
It was a little clearing, full of glowing bioluminescent mushrooms. Monarch outside was all dusty warm rust orange ochre. Monarch in here, behind Fallbrook's waterfall, was indigo crystal deep blue. So many colors he didn't know until she showed them to him. If they took ten steps forward they'd have to crouch as the rocks sloped. A single sprat was sleeping peacefully in the deepest part, seemingly undisturbed by their intrusion.   
  
"_Wow_," Felix whispered. The air was still, his voice muted, even the waterfall behind them seemed like it was trying to be quiet.   
  
Naomi turned to look at him and laughed.  
  
"You're soaked."  
  
"So are you!"   
  
Her hair clung to her shoulders and her eyelashes were stuck together. Ten minutes and a world of difference from the sad girl talking about how she never should have left Earth. Now she looked happy. More than that. Something was rising in Felix's throat, unbidden.  
  
"Boss, there's something I need to tell you."  
  
It wasn't often that Felix was serious, so when he was it was glaringly obvious. He had this adorable boyish earnestness about him. Truth was, Naomi knew what it was he needed to tell her. She wasn't quite ready to hear it yet, but this moment was too magical to be wasted.  
  
"Come here," she said softly.  
  
He did. There was hardly room for a switchblade between them. Both dripping in water, covered in beads of it turned to crystal in the blue light of the cave, like they were both made of stardust. He was just barely shorter than her. An inch, maybe two. She brought a hand to grip the back of his neck, her fingers twirling into his hair. He knew what was coming. He couldn't breathe. His eyes fell to rest on her lips, on the droplet of water there. She tilted her chin up and with gentle force she pulled him down into a kiss.   
  
Felix had never experienced a summer for himself. Not any other season, for that matter. A spaceship didn't have seasons. All he knew of them was what he saw in serials and heard in songs. But somehow he knew that she tasted like summer. When her lips met his he felt the sun on his skin. When her hand slid down his neck he heard warm breezes rustling through trees and grass. He saw wildflowers, beaches, endless fields. He felt freedom, carefree and wild, as expansive as the universe. He wanted more. He _needed_ more.   
  
They ended up against the wall of the cave, close enough to feel the mist of the waterfall. His hands were all over her, and hers all over him. She was _so_ solid, but he found the softness in her. His tongue parted her lips, chasing that freedom, searching for that sun. She made a little noise into his mouth that made his head spin.  
  
He was like a ship in skip drive, set on a course. What had been started could not be stopped. But she did. She placed a hand on his chest and ended the kiss with the same gentle force she'd started it with. It hurt. She took his breath with her. He tried to find it on her cheek, her jaw, her neck, her shoulder, anything to keep his lips on her skin.  
  
"Felix."   
  
With his mouth on her throat he could feel the hum when she spoke. But she took that away too, taking a step back.   
  
"Felix," she said again. His name, the first and last thing his parents had given him. He'd kept it just to hear her say it like this, now. His mind raced. He wanted to hear her whisper it, moan it, scream it, over and over again with his head buried between her legs, until it had no meaning anymore except something she said when she fucked him. All this, from a kiss. He was crazy. He was sure he looked it. He took a deep breath and tried to pull himself together.  
  
"I want to take my time with you."   
  
She spoke low and sweet. It sent a shiver up his spine. He had the mental image of a mantiqueen slowly dismembering and devouring her prey, stretching the meal out over days. Yeah. He wanted that too. He nodded, wordlessly.   
  
"So let's start there. That's a good place to start, right? Whatever you needed to tell me... table it for now. Let's start there, and see what happens next. Deal?"  
  
"Okay, boss. Deal."  
  
"I think our clothes might be dry now. Ready to go back out there?"  
  
"I, uh..." he scrubbed his hands over his face. "I need a minute. Sorry."  
  
"Sure," she smiled. "Meet you back at the cabin."

* * *

  
  


Lab notes // M.Nabor // November 21st 2230

Doctors said the next progression would be losing functionality in my hands.

Yesterday I dropped a vial of our new formula. For no reason. I was holding it, I swear, and then my hand just....... let go. I felt pins and needles. It was only for a second, but from what I understand, it will get worse very quickly.

I'm going to have to hire a lab assistant. The sooner the better, so I can train them properly. They'll have to transcribe my notes, too. I'm tempted to ask my daughter to do it, but our relationship is poor enough already. And she's busy with her own work in the weapons sector.

Look at that - today I remember that she's my daughter. And where she works. And that we have a poor relationship. Memory, good. Nervous system, bad. 

Right. These are lab notes, not a personal log. We've made great improvements in our latest batches. Stimulated atmospheric tests show a 56% improvement in protein retention and a 38% decrease in cellular decay. That will be our new focus. This is a product designed for long-term use in our colonies. Preventing cellular decay is paramount. I suspect a slight tweak of the amino acids will do the trick. We have a small supply of cellular material sent over by the Groundbreaker - I may experiment with adding that in to the serum. Winston won't be happy, but I don't care. That's why we have the supply, and we're running out of time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> join me on [ tumblr ](https://forevermarked.tumblr.com/)


	6. touch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> one beast is slain, and the other traps her prey
> 
> this chapter contains smut ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi love y'all so so much thanks for your comments and kudos <3 hope everyone enjoys this chapter! :)

Parvati was elbow deep in the mechanical guts of the ship when Felix approached. He looked nervous. She disentangled herself from her work and wiped her hands on her coveralls.  
  
“What can I do for ya, Felix?”   
  
“Parvati, your uh... your date with Junlei. It went well?”  
  
It’d been a real sweet night, Parvati getting all dressed up and setting up this nice meal for Junlei.  
  
“I’d say so. We’re going steady now.”  
  
“Do you think... do you think the Captain’s going steady with Zora?”  
  
He was talking real fast, like he couldn’t control his words. Parvati blinked, and something dawned on her.  
  
“The Captain... you... you _like_ her, don’t you?”  
  
Now that the idea had been presented it seemed so obvious. There was something about the way he looked at her, the way he hung onto her words, scrambled to impress her at every turn. She’d thought it was just him respecting her as Captain, like they all did, but... it was more, wasn’t it?  
  
“_Quiet!_” he hissed. “Don’t be all... weird about it, okay? Look... something happened. And it’s got me all messed up. I can’t tell what she wants from me or where I stand with her and... it would just help if I knew what her intentions with Zora were.”  
  
Parvati giggled. He was all flustered - this was adorable. After the entire crew traipsing around the system playing matchmaker for her, the least she could do was help Felix out.  
  
“Well, Miss Blackwood don’t seem like the going steady type. Neither does the boss, for that matter. But I can ask for you, to be sure.”  
  
He lit up.  
  
“_Really?_ Parvati, that would be swell. Just uh... don’t make it obvious that you’re askin’ cause of me, okay?”  
  
“Don’t worry,” Parvati said with a wink. “I won’t.”  
  
Two days later she poked her head into Felix’s room.  
  
“I swear I gave her no reason to suspect nothing, but...”   
  
Felix jumped up from his desk.  
  
“What did she say?!”  
  
“She said, and I quote: ‘tell Felix that Zora and I aren’t exclusive otherwise I wouldn’t have done what I did at the waterfall.’”  
  
On one hand, he’d been busted for asking. On the other hand, he’d gotten the answer he wanted.   
  
“What _happened_?” Parvati asked. “What did she do at the waterfall?”  
  
Felix’s eyes narrowed.  
  
“Can you keep a secret?”   
  
Parvati nodded eagerly.  
  
“Get inside. Close the door.”  
  
They were like schoolgirls, sharing gossip at a sleepover. Felix inhaled.  
  
“She kissed me.”  
  
Parvati clapped her hands over her mouth and squealed.   
  
“Felix!”  
  
“We were washing our clothes in the river at Fallbrook and she took me behind the waterfall and... Law, Parvati. It wasn’t just a kiss. It was kinda magical.”  
  
Parvati sighed dreamily.   
  
“Heavens, Felix. That’s just about the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard. I think the two of you would make a real fine couple.”   
  
“Do you?”  
  
“Sure. And it’s plain to see she likes you. She’s the one who kissed you, after all.”  
  
“She said she wants to take her time. Like... take things slow, I guess.”  
  
“Good. You should. Take it from me - this part? When you got butterflies all the time, and feel kinda sick and feverish, and can’t think about nothin’ else? This part is the best.”  
  


* * *

  
  
Soon, it was time for them to meet the information broker Hiram.  
  
Nyoka and the Captain set up at the dining table, planning their ascent to Devil’s Peak. Nyoka had drawn a map, from memory, of the mountain and it’s surrounding area. She’d circled the dens, nests, and feeding areas of Monarch’s plentiful beasts, as well as marauder enclaves.   
  
“So basically, you’ve got two options. You can take the mountain path up, or cut through the caves beneath. Either way you’ll have to deal with at least one mantiqueen and her brood.”  
  
“You got a recommendation?”  
  
“Better not to fight in the open. Sound carries. Rapts will come looking for a meal, and marauders for loot. We could use the caves to our advantage. Lay traps, mines and such. It’ll be easier than going up the mountain.”  
  
The Captain nodded. Nyoka was an expert hunter, and knew Monarch better than anyone else on her crew.   
  
“Who should we bring with us?”   
  
“Me! Please!”  
  
Felix had been standing over near the door and took this opportunity to announce his presence.  
  
“Please, I wanna kill a mantiqueen.”   
  
The Captain raised an eyebrow.  
  
“Your grenade launcher won’t do well in close quarters.”  
  
“Don’t have to use it. I can shoot any gun in our armory. You taught me how.”  
  
She and Nyoka exchanged a look.  
  
“Who else on your crew is gonna be this eager to go square up with a queen in her cave?”  
  
The Captain smirked.  
  
“You’re right, nobody is as eager as you are, Felix.”  
  
He felt all the blood in his body rush to his dick. Why’d she have to be looking at him like that? He filled his mind with unsexy thoughts. _Cold shower, foreman, grandmas, Chairman Rockwell, sulfur pools, saltuna..._  
  
“I’m not sure anybody else would even _want _to go,” Nyoka said, seemingly oblivious to the sexual tension in the room.   
  
“Alright then, Felix. You can come along.”  
  
“Yes! Awesome! Thank you, boss. I won’t let you down, I promise.”  
  
“I know you won’t.”  
  
He excused himself to his bunk in a real big hurry after that one.  
  


* * *

  
  
Another red letter moment for Felix.   
  
There was the moment the Unreliable pulled into port. The moment he first set foot on Terra 2. His Captain kissing him behind the waterfall. And this, stepping into the caverns beneath Devil’s Peak.   
  
It was far too expansive a space to be contained underground. It didn’t make sense, in Felix’s mind. The caverns stretched up and on. There was a small creek running through, the sound of water echoing off the rocks. There were towers of stone, bridges and valleys and chambers. Stars, it was a different world in here. In the center, the vaulted ceiling was open to the sky. Moonlight filtered in and illuminated the hundreds of thousands of little glowing mites and spores in the air. Big rays of magic. It was pink and blue, purple and orange, warm and cool, a world of it’s own underground. He and his Captain stood at the mouth of the cavern, awestruck.  
  
“Pretty, isn’t it?” Nyoka shouldered her rifle. “Shame about the beast infestation.”   
  
The trio began their journey through the cave system. Many others had tried before them, and their corpses littered the cavern in various stages of decomposition. Even the chambers before the queen were crawling with mantisaur soldiers and drones. The forward guard. All dispatched with melee weapons - gunfire would alert the queen, and they needed the element of surprise. There were little glowing blue mushrooms everywhere. Felix and the Captain looked at each other, and shared a thought. It reminded them of the cave behind the waterfall. Maybe this cavern, this place, existed in the same dimension.   
  
At last, they reached the queen's lair. A large clearing with a pillar in the center. She was just barely visible from behind it, and she was...  
  
"Shit," the Captain muttered. "She's big."  
  
Nyoka threw an arm out.  
  
"Get down. Behind the rocks. That's a mega mantiqueen."  
  
They huddled under cover. Felix's heart was racing. This was even better than he'd expected.   
  
"This changes things," Nyoka whispered. She started unclasping some of the mines strapped across her chest. "Since she's bigger than we expected, we gotta work from even further away. Captain, can you climb?"  
  
"Sure. What is it I'm climbing?"  
  
"That stone pillar, in the middle there. You're the best ranged shooter we've got, and that's your sniper nest. Remember the diagram we made, of weak spots? That's the same whether or not she's mega. So aim well, cause Felix and I will be on the ground layin' traps and drawing her attention."  
  
"Oh sweet, we get to be the bait?"   
  
"The bait that bites back, my friend. And the Captain will have us under her watchful eye. Boss, do me a favor and don't let us get killed, okay?"  
  
The Captain opened her mouth to answer but Felix spoke up first.  
  
"She won't."   
  
They locked eyes, he held her gaze. There was no doubt there.   
  
If there was one thing in the universe Felix Millstone believed in (besides the Rangers,) it was his Captain.  
  
"I won't," she echoed with a grin. "You ready, Nyoka?"   
  
"As I'll ever be. Let's do this."  
  


* * *

  
They emerged on the other side of the caverns some twenty minutes later covered in gore and viscera.  
  
"Boss. _Boss. Boss!_"   
  
Felix looked like he'd been eaten up and spit out. His hair was a mess and there was a spray of mantiqueen blood blanketing his chest and face.   
  
"That was, without a doubt, the single most awesome thing that has _ever _happened to me."  
  
Nyoka laughed, hunched over with her hands on her knees trying to catch her breath. She'd been running circles around that cavern trying to get the queen into their traps. Felix Millstone was the only person she'd ever known who could come within half a second of a very painful death and call it awesome.  
  
The Captain was covered in even more mantiqueen blood than Felix was. She wiped it out of her eyes, shook it out of her hair, flung it on to the grass.   
  
"You okay, Felix?"  
  
"Okay? _Okay? _I'm fuckin' great! Boss, I thought I was done for. I really did. She had me pinned down like that and I could see all her teeth, must've been _hundreds _of them, all shining and dripping. And her talons - Law, you never think about mantisaur talons. But they're sharp. I think I -" he touched his shoulder and his fingers showed blood. Not the queen's - his own. "Yeah, she nicked me a little."   
  
Naomi didn't look nearly as amused as he was. She rushed over to examine his wound.  
  
"You almost _died_, Felix."  
  
The gash was worse than he'd expected but all he felt was the Captain's hands on him. It was electric, now. Even drenched in beast blood.   
  
"But I didn't. Because of you."  
  
Not much space between them, no need to speak loud. Nyoka saw something strange in the way they looked at each other. She raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Boss may have saved your skin this time, Felix, but I'd advise you to treat the beasts of Monarch with a bit more gravity. Not to mention that shouldn't have even worked. I don't know how you got that saber through the queen's carapace, Cap."  
  
When Naomi had seen the mantiqueen pin Felix down, she'd acted without thinking. She'd switched out her rifle for a saber and jumped down from the top of the stone pillar onto the queen's back. They _had_ gone over weak spots, and the back was... not a good place to attack. Carapace there was hard as nanoceramic. But she'd pierced it - shattered it, even, and pulled out the queen's guts. She looked like she didn't much care to talk about it.  
  
"Could be the momentum from the jump helped. Now if everyone's in walking condition we should get going. Got a broker to meet with."   
  


* * *

  
  
Hiram was an unpleasant man. Felix would even say he was bitchy. To be frank, whatever happened in that tower, Felix wasn't paying attention at all. He was high. Just pumped full of adrenaline. Reliving the moment over and over again in slow motion. He'd never felt so alive. He was sure there was some negotiation, some exchange of favors - you help me before I help you, cause that was the way of this system. Either way, the Captain and the information broker came to some sort of agreement and the crew of the Unreliable headed back to their ship.  
  
They showered off the blood and guts and Ellie patched up Felix’s wound. A deep cut, but superficial. As soon as he was able, he got to drinking. The crew gathered in the kitchen and Felix stood with his foot on a chair and told the story of his near-death. He told it again and again with increasing levels of theatrics, while Nyoka provided backup and his friends patiently listened. Ellie berated him for being stupid. Parvati scolded him for being irresponsible, but in a loving way, like a mother would. The Vicar remarked that Felix was lucky the Captain had been there to save him, and it was only then that Felix realized where the Captain wasn’t. She wasn’t at the table with her crew - and she usually enjoyed socializing with them.   
  
He found her in her quarters, sitting at her terminal. Even with ADA there was no shortage of work for a ship’s captain. Keeping track of their jobs and finances, making sure her crew got paid, staying in communication with the mad Doc, making inventory of the ship’s armory and supplies. She was a good Captain. The exciting parts and the boring parts. She had her hair tied up and was wearing glasses. Glasses? Felix grinned. He didn’t know she wore glasses.   
  
“Hey, Boss.”  
  
“Felix,” she looked over her shoulder with a little smile.   
  
“Crew is drinking without ya.”  
  
“Felt like some quiet tonight.”  
  
She spun her chair around to face him.   
  
“How’s your shoulder?”  
  
“Oh, Ellie patched me right up. Used some fancy new DermaSeal stuff, you can’t even tell I got hurt.”  
  
“Let me see,” the Captain said softly, standing up. “Take off your shirt.”  
  
He didn’t need to be told twice. With haste he tossed off the soft white henley he always wore as an undershirt.   
  
“Hmm,” the Captain mumbled, stepping closer. She examined the area where she’d known the wound to be, but now there was only unbroken skin. Even running her fingers across his skin she couldn’t sense any sort of seam.   
  
“Impressive. Does it hurt?”  
  
“Not at all.” He cleared his throat, tried desperately to find something in the room to rest his eyes on besides the woman inches in front of him, touching him. “Opposite, actually.”  
  
The touch of her fingertips, brushing lightly across his skin, sent a shiver down his spine, raised goosebumps on his arms. She met his eyes, surprised, and then a little smirk dawned on her face.  
  
Suddenly Felix had the sense of being a mouse caught in a trap. Only it was a trap he dearly wanted to be caught in.   
  
“ADA, lock my door.”  
  
_“Very well, Captain. Do you also want me to cease security monitoring of your quarters? Please say yes.”_  
  
“Yes. Unless you wanna pay for the show.”  
  
_“Attempt at humor detected. As I am a ship’s computer with no money and access to unlimited free pornographic material, I do not find it funny. Cutting camera feeds now.”_  
  
“Boss, if I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were coming on to me.”  
  
“It’s a good thing you know better, then. This is a strictly professional medical examination. Just a Captain checking in on the health of one of her crew. One of her crew who she almost lost today.”  
  
Law, but there was feeling there. Was she actually shook up about this?   
  
“Boss...”  
  
There was a split second where he considered maybe not doing what he did next. But that rare impulse of good sense was pushed away by overwhelming desire and his close brush with death, and so Felix grabbed his Captain and kissed her.   
  
They were overcome with a terrible sort of urgency, when their lips met. The kiss was sloppy and breathless. Felix felt like he’d just taken off in a sprint. He cupped her face in his hands as if to drink her in. They crashed against the Captain’s desk.  
  
“Not fair,” he mumbled in the space their lips parted. “You have on twice as many clothes as I do.” He tugged at the bottom of her shirt, another one of those muscle tanks she loved so much. He lifted it up, sliding his hands along her sides, feeling the skin there - taut and warm. She smiled and stepped away. Why was she always doing that? Always stepping away?  
  
“Sit down,” she motioned to her chair. It was a gentle command, and he followed it. When he was seated, she stood in front of him.   
  
First she removed her shirt, and then the undergarment that bound her breasts. She kept her distance but never once broke eye contact with Felix. It was almost too much. She was wearing a utility belt and durable work trousers, which she slid off agonizingly slow. Her panties were surprisingly feminine - where did someone even get lacy little unmentionables like that in Halcyon? Did she always wear ones of the sort? He felt lightheaded when he thought about them running around on missions and such, her with _this_ under her armor. But he didn’t have much time to think about that because soon they were gone too and she stood completely nude in front of him. Well, almost - she still had her glasses on. She took them off, folded them, and placed them on the table behind him. He inhaled, and the breath got stuck in his lungs.  
  
It was like he'd never seen anyone naked before. It was like it was his first time being brought face to face with the human physique. She was _perfect, _Law, she really was. There was softness in her breasts and her hips, but everywhere else... so much power, so much strength, contained in her body. Everything he'd ever craved she gave to him, in more ways than one. He'd been a longtime admirer of her shoulders and arms, but never before had he had such an unobstructed view of her thighs. They were incredibly inviting, and seemed perfect for crushing his head between.   
  
"Boss..." he whispered, awestruck. He raised his hands, reaching out to touch her, but she stopped him.  
  
"Listen to me very carefully, Felix."   
  
She spoke low, straight into his ear.   
  
"I want you to keep your hands to yourself. Pretend you've been bound. This will be a very good time for you, I promise, but if you touch me, I will stop."  
  
He swallowed, hard.  
  
"Okay, um... I'll try."  
  
"It's very easy. Just don't touch me."   
  
She smirked in a way that told him she knew just how _not_ easy it would be. She was playing with him. In the low light of her chambers, illuminated only by Monarch beyond the massive windows, her eyes twinkled madly. Was this really happening? Stars, Law, God in Heaven, was this really happening?   
  
When she kissed him, then, he knew just how hard of a time he was in for. His body pulled itself towards her, his hips rising off the chair. He had an acute sense of just how nude she was, and this - this was all backwards. When you were naked with a person you liked, in a special way, you were supposed to touch them as much as possible. She trailed her lips down his jaw and onto his neck, to the sensitive skin below his ear. Her hands were unbuttoning his pants, so deftly he almost didn't notice. But he sure as hell noticed when she got on her knees in front of him. He was, of course, already rock hard. Had been for a while now. He still let out a little gasp when she finally freed his dick from it's confines.  
  
Her eyes lit up and she made a little noise of approval, which made him twitch. Looking for all the world like she'd just unwrapped a fantastic gift, like she was presented with a buffet and didn't know where to start. She wrapped her hands around the base and then ran them up his length, softly, a featherlight touch. Her thumb circled the tip and she watched him, gauging for a reaction. Surely she got what she wanted. He couldn't imagine that he looked anything less than desperate, crazy, hungry, tormented. Before he knew what was happening she had her mouth on him and all hope was lost.   
  
If he was hungry so was she. He could tell she was tryin' to take her time, at first. Gently wrapping her lips around the tip, running her tongue up and down the shaft. The keening, whining noises Felix was making may have had something to do with her changing her pace on that - or maybe the way he kept bucking his hips up, trying as desperately as he could to get as much of his dick into her mouth as possible because this was just too much, this teasing. Either way she planted her hands on his thighs and threw all pretense to the side.  
  
It was something Felix could only describe as devouring. Her mouth was hot and wet and tight and she did not seem to have any sort of gag reflex, as was apparent by the way she took him to the hilt over and over again. He gripped the sides of the chair with his hands until his knuckles were white because her hair had been tied up but it was coming loose and it was taking every ounce of his discipline not to grab it by the fistful and drive his cock into her throat mercilessly. She seemed to be doing a fine job of that herself. After what seemed like simultaneously an eternity and an instant she broke the seal and ran her lips down the side of his cock, stroking it loosely with her hand. He tilted his head back and let out a low moan.  
  
"_Boss_..." he whimpered.  
  
"You're doing great, Felix."  
  
There was no way. There was no fucking way. He was going to cum, right then and there. She wouldn't let up. She only needed a second to catch her breath and then his dick was sheathed in her throat once again. She circled the tip with her tongue, wrapped a hand tight around the base and stroked in tandem with the bobbing of her head. It was too much. He was falling apart. He was cursing in ways he didn't even realize he knew how to. For how hard he was gripping this chair, he feared he might break it. And he'd given up controlling the movement of his hips. He was writhing and squirming and thrusting back into her mouth. How could she control him from her knees on the floor in front of him? He wanted to touch her _so bad._ There was nothing in the system he wanted more than to feel her skin beneath his hands, to cup her breasts and grasp her hips, to dip between her legs. But he wouldn't, he _couldn't,_ because this felt too good and he was so close. God, he was right at the edge. The pressure building up inside of him was unbearable. Any second now... but she knew. Of course she knew. And she wouldn't let him get off that easily. When she tasted precum she pulled away, a thread of spit trailing obscenely from the tip of his dick to her tongue.   
  
She stood and kissed him. He tasted himself on her. It was strangely, wildly erotic. She took a step back. He had no idea what she had planned next. He was aching, his dick throbbing and dripping.   
  
“You can’t touch me,” she was moving towards her bunk, just a couple feet away. Her ass - _stars_, her ass. “But you can watch me touch myself.”  
  
He laughed, hoarsely.   
  
“Boss, are you trying to kill me?”  
  
“Of course not.” She sat on the edge of the bed. “I saved you today, remember?”  
  
Yeah. Yeah, he remembered. She was making herself comfortable, and then... she opened her legs.  
  
He thought he’d seen beautiful things, magical things, since joining her crew. New planets, strange creatures, wild skies. Turns out she held the most beautiful thing of all between her legs. She spread herself with the fingers of one hand. She was gleaming, slick and shining. She’d been enjoying this, too. This was ridiculous, just utterly... he’d had a lot of sex in his life. Not much else to do on that station. But he’d never... not like this, nothing like this. And not with anybody like her.  
  
“Can I...” he swallowed. “Can I touch myself?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
She watched him wrap his hand around his dick. She was drawing slow circles over her clit, and it became clear what was meant to be happening. _You can’t touch me, but you can watch me touch myself. _As he watched her, her hand became his. He imagined what she would feel like beneath his touch - the heat and the slick of her. Their tempos fell in sync, her rubbing and his stroking. He watched her hips move, saw her eyes grow heavy-lidded with pleasure. If her hand was his, it was him making her feel that. It was him making her squirm, his hand reaching up to cup her breast, his actions drawing those languid moans from her lips.   
  
“Good,” she breathed, her eyes fixed intently on his. “Good.” The way she said that... approvingly, like she was praising him for shooting well or doing solid on a job. He’d always liked that. He liked doing right by her, after all she’d done for him. She was his Captain, and he wanted to serve her well. He just didn’t realize how much it would turn him on, didn’t realize the fire it would light in his gut when he served her like _this._ His eyes rolled back into his head.  
  
“Are you close?” Her voice was barely more than a whisper, now. He nodded - he didn’t even think he could get a word out. He’d _been _close, for far too long. “Come here. Stand over me, and don’t stop.”  
  
He didn’t know if his legs would work, but by some miracle they did, and they carried him over to her bunk. He braced himself against the polymer frame and kept the frenetic pace at which he was jerking himself off. She was still matching his tempo. She bit her lip and looked up at him. That was... _fuck._   
  
“You’ve done so good. Just like I asked. Now I want you to cum for me.”  
  
He was gonna snap the fucking bunk, for as hard as he was gripping it. He choked out a strange strangled noise, halfway between a moan and a sob, and did as he was asked. That was all it took, her asking for it, to push him over the edge. He came harder and more than he ever had in his life. It wracked through his body, drew a ringing in his ears, an electric current flooding his system. Thick, hot ropes of it shot down onto his Captain, onto her tits and her stomach, pooling into the hollow below her ribs. She’d arched her head back into the frame of the bunk, she was writhing and moaning his name as she brought herself to orgasm at the same time beneath him. It was just like he’d imagined, and nothing like he’d imagined.  
  
When his lungs stopped seizing and he could breathe again, he lowered himself gently to sit on the bed beside her like he might break something if he moved too fast. He pushed his hair out of his face, wild and sweaty, and his breath came short and fast. Words eluded him. Actions, too. He’d been so thoroughly, completely emptied. Physically and... well, something more. Whether it was mental, emotional, or spiritual was all tangled up and beyond his grasp. It was all he could do in that moment to just sit and exist.  
  
She looked up at him. Her hair had come loose, her cheeks flushed, so completely and utterly wanton. Stars, that image would stick with him for a while. There was a mischievous twinkle in her eyes, and she giggled.  
  
He couldn’t help but laugh, too. He was astonished, bewildered, quite frankly mindblown. They sat there, together, her naked him half so, the entire system of Halcyon stretching out beyond her window, and cackled like a couple of maniacs.   
  
“Boss, that was...”  
  
“Fun, huh?” She tossed him a crooked little grin. He snorted.  
  
“Sure. Yep. _Fun. _Fun is for things like tossball matches. That - that - that was something else.”   
  
“You did great. I mean it.”   
  
She was still covered in his cum, a void damned lake’s worth. It was cooling on her skin.   
  
“Here, let me-“  
  
“Use my shirt. It’s on the floor over there. Don’t worry, I’ve got a whole trunk of ‘em.”  
  
It was not the first time he’d cleaned cum off a partner or himself using one of their articles of clothing. It was a time honored tradition. But it had never been as intimate as this. After that whole encounter, not being allowed to touch her... now, he did. He wiped it off gently, paying careful attention to what her skin felt like underneath the cotton, to the fine dusting of downy hairs, to the hard parts and the soft parts and the scars. He took to this task with a remarkable sort of tenderness. When he was done, he kissed her, this time chaste and innocent.  
  
He didn’t know why she’d done that, why she’d made him keep his hands off like that. For a moment he wondered if she had some weird issue with being touched, but that was quickly dispelled cause afterwards they fell into her bed together and melted into each other. She held him and stroked his hair, and _heavens _that felt nice. They reminisced on the slaying of the mega mantiqueen. She asked him questions about growing up as a stowaway on the station, and he answered. They talked about Monarch, how it measured up to what was on the aether, and made jokes about the crew. He didn’t intend to sleep in her chambers, but he just felt so... so fuzzy, and warm, and safe. Kept, and held. Wanted. Ways he’d never felt before in his life. Before he realized it he’d nuzzled into her neck and was drifting away, into sleep.  
  
The next day, the Unreliable was abuzz with gossip and scandalized whispers. See, Felix Millstone had gone into the Captains quarters in the evening and didn’t emerge until the morning, wearing the same clothes.   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> join me on [ tumblr ](https://forevermarked.tumblr.com/)


	7. when stars are just gas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felix gets a message from an old friend, wrestles with the Vicar, and is given the gift of clarity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> iiiiiiiiiii looooooooove youuuuuu ALLLLLL thanks so much for the comments and kudos <3 <3

Captain Naomi Nabor had the strange ability to stretch a moment out for much, much longer than it should be. Dr. Welles told her it was a side effect of extended cryostasis. Something knocked about in her brain, changed the way she perceived time. She could slow down the world, she could separate an instant into layers, she could think and move and act with superhuman speed when she did this. It was a valuable tool in combat. It was valuable other times, too.  
  
That night, she pressed her face into Felix’s hair as he slept in her arms. He smelled like soap, on account of showering off the mantiqueen blood, dirtied up a little by sweat and sex. She’d never seen anyone sleep this peacefully. Such a pure thing, he was. Didn’t know what it meant to act with duplicity. She held him a little tighter and in his sleep he nuzzled closer with a sort of purr.   
  
This moment, she wanted to last forever. This moment was sweet, and easy. She slowed it down and opened it up, lived in it for as long as she could, trying to commit it to memory. Because there would come a time when things would not be so sweet, or so easy, and she wanted to keep this moment with her when that time came.   
  


* * *

  
  
Naomi leaned against the counter in Zora’s triage, chewing on a stalk of Monarch prairie grass. Having something to chew on always helped when she needed to do serious thinking... even if it tasted kinda like sulfur.  
  
“There’s a way we can do this right.”  
  
Zora looked up from her clipboard. She was taking inventory of the clinic’s medical supplies.  
  
“I don’t dislike Sanjar,” Naomi continued. “I just dislike MSI. I dislike what he’s trying to do. It’s regressive. No reason for him or his townspeople to suffer for it, though.”  
  
Zora nodded.  
  
“Doing this out of necessity, nothin’ more. Rather not hurt people I don’t have to. We could parlay, negotiate for the supplies we need.”  
  
“And then what happens when you run dry again? No, we need a permanent solution. We’ll parlay, but not to negotiate for supplies.”  
  
Zora narrowed her eyes.  
  
“What are you getting at, Captain?”  
  
Naomi walked up behind Zora and wrapped her arms around the other woman’s waist. She lay a gentle line of kisses down the side of Zora’s neck.  
  
“I’ll be having to move on soon, Zora,” she spoke against her skin. “And I’ve grown fond of this rock. I wanna make sure I leave it in capable hands. And nobody’s hands are more... capable than yours.”  
  
Zora sat down her clipboard and turned around to face the Captain.   
  
“Speak straight. Wanna make sure I’m hearing you right.”  
  
“Catherine Malin’s a shrewd businesswoman. Only cares about one thing, and that’s bits. A Monarch without MSI would free up her operations, bring in more bits. So we have a little chat with her. Your people, mine, and Catherine’s? More than enough force to take Stellar Bay. We’re not gonna do it like that, of course. But we _could_. And we’ll make sure Sanjar knows that.”  
  
“You mean to unseat him.”  
  
“You’ve done great things here, Zora. Imagine what you could do with a whole planet.”   
  
Her mind was spinning. This Captain, this strange woman from Earth, planned to strongarm Sanjar Nandi into giving up his seat at the helm of Monarch.  
  
“What about Graham? He may not be so easily convinced. In his mind, he _made_ the Iconoclasts, so he’s got a right to lead them forever.”  
  
“It’s okay. He doesn’t need to be convinced.”  
  
The look in Naomi’s eyes told Zora that she was prepared to kill Graham, if need be. Zora didn’t love the thought. Didn’t hate it either.   
  
“You’re gonna break that kid’s heart.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Felix. Don’t he kinda look up to Graham?”  
  
“Oh,” Naomi sounded surprised. Like she’d expected Zora to say something else. “Maybe before he met him. Felix has a good nose for frauds. Sure, he can get a bit starry-eyed, but he has the sense to know when stars are just gas.”  
  
“Heard some chatter, among your crew. About you and him.”  
  
“Mm,” Naomi smiled. “He’s sweet.”  
  
“Good. I don’t want you to be alone out there. Just... you might wanna do something about that idol complex of his before it gets too serious. That’s too much weight for anyone to carry.”  
  
A bittersweet sort of look passed over the Captain’s face  
  
“I like the weight just fine, Zora.”  
  


* * *

  
_”Captain, I feel it’s important to inform you that Felix and the Vicar are fighting.”_  
  
“They fight all the time, ADA. Why is this important?”  
  
_”They’ve come to fisticuffs. In the cargo bay.”_   
  
“Void damn it,” Naomi muttered as she pushed her chair back and rushed out of the room.  
  
She found the two men of her crew grappling at each other, just like ADA had said. For some reason they both had their shirts off. Felix appeared to be losing - he was bleeding from his temple and had a busted lip. Of course he was losing. The Captain herself wouldn’t challenge the Vicar to a fistfight. Ellie stood off near the workbench, watching with a look of exasperation.  
  
“What the hell is going on down here?!”  
  
The Vicar had Felix in a headlock, and he strained to look up at his Captain. She sounded angry. She _looked_ angry.  
  
“Don’t worry, boss! It’s a sporting match.”  
  
"You're _bleeding_."  
  
"It's okay, Ellie's here!"  
  
"It's my responsibility as a medical professional. I won't have Felix's death on my hands."  
  
Felix let out a triumphant shout as he wrested himself free of the Vicar's headlock, only to immediately be toppled by his own momentum.  
  
"Max?"   
  
The Vicar looked up at his Captain as he twisted Felix's arm, his knee in the small of the younger man's back.  
  
"Felix requested to spar with me. Said he needed to blow off some steam."   
  
The Captain found a comfortable spot to lean against a cargo crate with her arms crossed.  
  
"You should've gotten me to supervise from the beginning. But it's okay, I'm here now. Ellie, have you been keeping score?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Guess not. Okay, gentlemen. A hit to the torso or chest is five points. A hit to the legs is two points. Restraining your opponent for more than fifteen seconds is three points. No more hitting each other in the face, please. You hit your opponent in the face and you have to clean the toilets for a week, we'll give SAM a break. Carry on."  
  
Something flashed in Felix's eyes, and Max picked up on it.  
  
"Someone to show off for. Maybe now you'll finally put up a fight," the Vicar spoke under his breath. Felix grinned wolfishly.  
  
"Yeah, get ready, preacher. Playtime is over."  
  
"Excellent."  
  
Felix launched himself at the Vicar, and the fight was on again.  
  
Naomi saw that Felix fought much like he did everything else in his life. With as much effort as he had in him, a naive sort of eagerness, and absolutely no pretense. He was a mess. Predictable and sloppy, raw and reactive. It wasn't often that he did land a hit on the Vicar, but when he did, it was staggering - and he took his own hits in stride, recovering quickly. He had power and speed in him, he just didn’t quite know how to use it. And he did like dropkicking far, far too much. A stupid move. Never hurt the opponent as much as it hurt him, easy to evade, too slow. When the Vicar hit ten points, the Captain called a time out.  
  
“How am I doin’, boss?”   
  
Felix bounded over to where she stood. He was sweaty and covered in dirt on account of how many times he’d been knocked to the cargo bay floor, but didn’t seem discouraged at all.  
  
“You tell me. Is your steam blown off yet?”  
  
He touched his temple, winced when his fingers came back bloody.   
  
“Not quite.”  
  
“Alright. I want you to win this next round. Ten points, and I’ll call it. You’re a fine fighter, Felix, just unrefined. Now, Max has got every one of us on this ship beat by brute strength. But you do have an advantage over him. Do you know what it is?”  
  
He looked like he was thinking real hard, for a minute.  
  
“Well, if I’m smaller than he is... that means I could be faster than he is, right?”  
  
She smiled.  
  
“Good, yes. But speed ain’t worth anything if he can see your moves comin’ from a mile away. In tossball, do they do, uh... feints?”  
  
“Oh, _do they! _At the 2350 Interstellar Championships, Black Hole Bertie pulled the most killer feint on the Darling’s eighth back, just out of nowhere, _nobody_ saw it coming.”  
  
“Do that. Fake him out, and be fast. Nimble. Ten points. Got it?”  
  
“Got it, boss.”  
  
He was bouncing on his heels, rolling his shoulders. Ready to get back in the fight, and do better this time, with her advice. 

* * *

  
  
Felix won that round, but he still had steam. Later that night he sat at his desk, bouncing a tossball off the opposite wall. A repetitive, violent, and very loud action. He furrowed his brows, buried deep in his own thoughts.  
  
“Felix?” A voice came from outside his door. It was his Captain.  
  
“You can come in, boss.”  
  
She entered, stood by the door.  
  
“Thanks for your help earlier, with the Vicar.” He spoke before she could. “I like learning how to do things better.”   
  
“Sure. You got an open mind, and you take to things fast.”  
  
She was quiet for a moment.  
  
“You seem a mite agitated. Somethin’ troubling you?”  
  
He didn’t answer. She saw his jaw clench.  
  
“Is this about... what happened between us? Felix, if you’re not-“  
  
He dropped the tossball and looked up at her.   
  
“_Stars, _no, boss. That’s not it at all. I don’t... ah, jeez. I’ve been an ass, haven’t I?” He scrubbed his hands over his face. “What happened between us, that was incredible. I don’t regret it at all. I’d like to do more of it, very much, actually. That’s not what’s bothering me. I’m just not used to having people to talk to. I didn’t think about how me bottling it up and sulking would affect you.”  
  
She softened and walked over, perching on the edge of the desk next to him. She brushed his hair back from his forehead lovingly. Those impossibly big, unbelievably hazel eyes looked up at her. He had a butterfly bandage on his temple where the Vicar had split his skin, and his lower lip was swollen and bruised.   
  
“It’s okay, Felix. Just wanted to make sure I didn’t overstep. Will you tell me what’s on your mind?”   
  
He sighed.  
  
“I didn’t... didn’t have anyone growing up. No family, or anything like it. And friendship was a different thing on the station. More like... alliances. Nobody really cared for each other, just wanted to make sure they were well-liked enough to not get shanked in their bunk.”  
  
“That must’ve been hard.”  
  
He shrugged.  
  
“It was just the way things were. Didn’t think too much about it. Anyway, there was someone. Met him when I was just getting hair on my chest. Name of Clyde Harlow.”  
  
Felix tilted his chair back.   
  
“He was a fair bit older than me, and... we became friends. Actual friends. He was like a mentor. Closest thing to a dad I ever had. Taught me a lot - how to think, how to resist, how to question. Taught me how to be the man I am today.”  
  
“He did a good job.”  
  
He blushed and rubbed the back of his neck.   
  
“Thing is, he disappeared. A few years before you came to the station. Just gone one day. No explanation, no goodbye, no inclination he was planning on leaving. None of us had a clue where he’d gone.”  
  
“I’m sorry,” the Captain said softly.  
  
“I’d put it behind me. Learned to be glad for him being in my life at all, instead of angry at him for vanishing. And now I have... I have a real family. I have a whole ship full of friends, people to teach me how to be better, and one hell of a Captain. Left my old life behind, and he was the only part of it I would’ve missed.”  
  
There was a beat of silence.  
  
“He sent me a message. Yesterday.”   
  
“What did he say?”  
  
Felix glowered.  
  
“Not much. Definitely nothing like, I’m sorry for abandoning you and disappearing without a word. Told me he’s working on something big, and he wants me to be a part of it. Wants to meet up. He’s on Scylla.”  
  
“Scylla? Nobody has any reason to be on that rock. Even the mining companies abandoned it years ago.”   
  
“Right. Which makes it the perfect place for clandestine operations.”  
  
Felix looked up at her with his emotions laid bare across his face. Confusion and anger, clouding over a little spark of tenuous hope. Felix always expected the best of the people close to him, and this Harlow man had been very close to him.  
  
“I don’t know what to do, boss. I’m all mixed up inside.”  
  
“You gotta decide this one on your own. But whatever you want to do, I’ll be with you. We can go meet him, together, just to see what he has to say. Get some answers. You don’t have to commit to anything. Or we can send him a message back telling him to find the nearest, biggest piece of space junk and shove it up his ass.”  
  
Felix laughed, a sort of relief settling over him. The Captain continued.  
  
“And if we meet him and you like what he has to say, wanna take up with him instead of me? You’re free to do what you want, and I’ll support it. But I’d be mighty sad to see you leave my crew.”  
  
“Don’t think it’s likely, boss. I’m pretty happy here.”  
  
“I’m glad of that. Just know you aren’t bound.”  
  
“Is being bound always such a bad thing?”  
  
He didn’t even mean it like _that._ Once, when Parvati was giving him sad eyes about the whole growing up as an orphan thing, he’d told her that having no family prevented him from being tied down. Finding the silver lining, like he always did. Attachment gave as much as it took, and he was tied down to that damn space station anyway, on account of not having the means to get off. He would’ve traded his pointless freedom for family, at any time, without hesitation. And now - knowing his Captain was fine with him doing what he wanted is exactly what made him _want _to stay here, with her, with his shipmates. He wanted to be tied down, so bad. He always had.   
  
_That_ was what he’d meant. But as soon as he said it, the air was sucked out of the room. Her words exactly. _Pretend you’ve been bound. _He remembered his hands clutching the sides of that chair like his life depended on it. He remembered her on her knees, her on the bed, her mouth... She was rememberin’ it too, by her eyes. Like hot coals.   
  
“No, I suppose not,” she whispered, her face close to his. She kissed him, ever so gently on account of his busted lip. Just placed her mouth on his, like he was made of glass. It still hurt, just a little bit, but in a real sweet way. After a breathless, tender moment, she pulled away.  
  
“Let’s go,” he said. “Just you and me. Just to talk to him.”  
  
“Sure, Felix.”  
  


* * *

  
  
Scylla was a uniquely unpleasant place. Though the asteroid had been abandoned long ago by the mining companies once they realized there wasn't enough money to be made there, they didn't want to pay to move the terraforming machines. So the planet-shaping behemoths carried on their lonely work, for no one, and would continue until their atmospheric pressurizers gave out and the decay of space took them. They made a terrible groaning sound that you could feel in your bones from anywhere on the asteroid. Kinda like a wolf howling, if a wolf was a towering piece of machinery. The atmosphere they produced surrounded the formerly inhabited areas of Scylla in a thin, shimmering purple dome. You could step through it easily, and have your blood boiled by the pressure of open space. A slow and painful death, accompanied by the mourning wails of the terraforming machines. No wonder it had been abandoned, Felix thought. There’d have to be _tons_ of bits to be made here, to make it worth anyone’s time.  
  
Harlow’s base had it’s own landing pad. It didn’t look like the base of a revolutionary. Looked like a pirate’s base. A prefab structure surrounded by a mismatched assortment of cargo and shipping crates, with a few mechs and guards patrolling.  
  
One such guard ran up to intercept them as soon as they disembarked.  
  
“Hey!” he shouted. Sure looked like a pirate. “How the hell did y’all get a navkey to this here base?”  
  
Felix wasn’t in the best of spirits, understandably. He snapped back at the guard.   
  
“Clyde sent it to me, personally.”  
  
“Ah,” the guard’s demeanor changed. “You must be Felix. Boss told us about you. We’re all real honored to have you joinin’ the crew.”  
  
“Hold on, now. Nobody said anything about me joining on. I’m here to talk with Clyde, nothing more.”  
  
“Sure, lad. I’ll take you to the boss. Right this way.”  
  
They were led through the base and Naomi had the distinct sense of guns trained on their backs - literally or metaphorically. She was trying to keep an open mind. Didn’t wanna be jealous or possessive or influence Felix any which way. Already she didn’t feel very kindly towards this Clyde on account of how badly he’d hurt Felix by stepping out like that. But there was definitely something off here.   
  
Clyde was in the back of the compound, shuffling parts around on a workbench, a tamed canid at his side. He was a tall, broad-shouldered man, with dark skin and curly silver hair. When he heard them coming he turned and flashed a big, bright smile. For a minute, even the Captain was disarmed.  
  
“Felix!” he bellowed, opening his arms. “Come here, ya big hullhead.”  
  
Clearly he meant to give Felix a hug, rustle up his hair, good natured and brotherly. But Felix wasn’t having it.   
  
“Dammit, Clyde. It’s been _five years._ Five years since you left without so much as a word. And you expect me to just pick back up where we left off?”  
  
“Come on, Felix.”  
  
“No, _you_ come on,” Felix glared. Clyde demurred a bit, lowered his arms. Realized this would be harder than he’d thought.  
  
“I thought you would understand. You and I are the same. Livin’ by our whims. You wouldn’t have done any different.”   
  
The Captain was standing at Felix’s side, and she could feel the heat radiating off of him.  
  
“Clyde, if I’d found a way off that damn station, I’d have taken you with me. At the very least, I’d have said goodbye. Told you... told you it wasn’t your fault.”  
  
She heard his voice breaking again, like it had when he’d all but begged her to take him away on her ship. So Clyde couldn’t see, she placed a hand reassuringly on the small of Felix’s back.   
  
“I just wanna know why.” Felix continued. “Why’d you leave? And why didn’t you tell me?”  
  
“I didn’t want to get you mixed up in dangerous business. Not until I knew it’d be worth your while. I’m working against the Board, Felix. Even you knowing where I was going would’ve implicated you.”  
  
She couldn’t help it. She made a derisive noise under her breath. It drew the attention of Clyde, who turned his broad smile to her. Something changed in his eyes.   
  
“Ah, Captain. What an honor to meet the woman who charitably took Felix on as crew and whisked him off that station. I owe you my thanks. Boy like him does best under strong leadership, and I’m glad to see he’s found it in you.”  
  
“Nothin’ charitable to be thanking me for. He does a job and I pay him for it. Does it quite well, at that.”  
  
There was more she didn’t say. This veil of civility was important. If she let herself get angry... she clenched and unclenched her fists.   
  
“Well, how about that. A good employment reference.”  
  
“You’re taking a lot on assumption, Clyde. Even if I did forgive you for walking out on me, I don’t know what kind of work you’re doing here. Why should I throw in with you?”  
  
“Look around you, Felix. This base, this crew, this little corner of Scylla? All mine. When I left five years ago, it was to build this. An independent place. A free place.”   
  
_Like Amber Heights?,_ Felix thought. No. This was different.  
  
“And what will you do with it?” the Captain asked, resting her elbow comfortably on the bolter pistol holstered on her hip. Clyde narrowed his eyes at her.  
  
“Corrupt systems always fail. Invariably, sooner or later. What’s rotten will decay - and nothing’s more rotten than the Board. What we’re doing here is waiting. Amassing power and resources, so when the Board topples itself, we’re ready.”   
  
Felix and his Captain glanced at each other. Clyde continued.  
  
“I can tell you more, but first I need to know I can trust you.” Felix opened his mouth to protest - how could Clyde not trust him? - but the man held up a hand. “It’s different, Felix, in times of revolution. I need to know that you’ll be_ loyal_ to me.”   
  
Something flared in Naomi’s chest, red hot.   
  
“So you’re going to test him? Make him prove his loyalty?”  
  
“Did you not do the same, Captain?”   
  
She was gonna beat the shit out of this guy. Maybe not right now, but eventually.  
  
"No. Not even a little bit. Not ever, and I never will."   
  
Clyde looked her up and down.  
  
"That'll come back to bite ya."   
  
Felix interrupted their barrage.  
  
"What is it?"   
  
They both turned to look at him.  
  
"What do you want me to do?"  
  
Clyde looked like he thought he'd gained the upper hand. Naomi wasn't so sure that was the case. She would reserve her judgment.  
  
"One of my crew crossed me. Man by the name of Trask. I'm not sure where he fled to, but his wife Rosanna might. You'll find   
her on the Groundbreaker."  
  
"I'm guessing you don't want us to go have a nice talk with him?" the Captain asked, her voice tight.  
  
"Well, you can if you want. As long as you kill him afterwards. He wears a distinctive ring on his left hand. Bring that to me, so I know he’s dead.”  
  
“You want him to _assassinate_ somebody?”  
  
The Captain was seething, but Clyde didn’t take his eyes off Felix. It was like he was daring the boy, like they were playing a game of chicken.  
  
“Alright, Clyde,” Felix said, finally. “I’ll do it.”  
  
“Good,” Clyde smiled. “Knew you had some sense in ya. When it’s done, come back and we can talk about your place on my crew.”  
  


  
  
As soon as they were back on the ship, Felix and his Captain turned to each other.  
  
“Do you trust him?” she asked.  
  
“No,” Felix answered after a moment. “No, I don’t think I do. What’s your read on the situation, boss?”  
  
“I think it’s fucked up that he’s asking you to kill for him like that. To assassinate someone. You aren’t that kind of guy. If he knows you, he should know that. And if he likes you, he shouldn’t be trying to change that.”   
  
She felt guilty. Like she had no right sayin’ that. Felix hadn’t been a killer at _all_ until he’d joined up with her. How was that different? She didn’t know, but it felt like it was. If Felix wasn’t thinking that she didn’t want to put the idea in his mind, so she stayed quiet in that regard.   
  
“Yeah...” Felix said, softly. “And to prove my loyalty? Plus he didn’t really seem all that sorry about what he did. Seemed kinda surprised I was upset, actually.”  
  
She placed a hand on his shoulder.   
  
“Cause he’s dense. It’s not wrong if you to be upset, Felix. Anyone would, in your shoes. Void, I’m upset _for_ you.”  
  
He shot her a weary smile.  
  
“Thanks, boss. Appreciate it. I think there’s more to this than Clyde is letting on. I wanna go find Trask - but we’ll talk to him first, before we do anything else.”  
  


* * *

  
  
Trask’s wife sent them to Terra 2. They found him in a gulch near Edgewater, surrounded by jagged slate plates rising in a way that suggested they were in the trough of a rolling wave. He was seated on a crate next to a parked transport ship, surrounded by a pirate crew of his own.   
  
As Felix and his Captain approached, a dozen guns trained on them. Trask’s crew was on alert. The man himself stood up and snuffed out the cigarette he’d been smoking under the toe of his boot.   
  
Trask reached into his waistband and pulled out a shiny Hammersmith pistol. What was one more gun?  
  
“Who are you, and what the hell are you doing here?”  
  
Felix and the Captain put their hands up. She would let him take the lead on this one.  
  
“Here on behalf of an old friend. Man by the name of Clyde Harlow.”  
  
Trask loosed the hammer of his pistol with a click, and the rest of his crew followed. A chorus that sent a shiver down Felix’s spine.  
  
“If he sent you here to kill me, you’re doing a piss poor job.”  
  
“He did send me here to kill you.” Law, maybe she should step in. Felix was liable to get them shot full of holes. “But I don’t think I’m going to.”  
  
Trask narrowed his eyes.  
  
“You don’t look like his normal goons.”  
  
“Cause I’m not. This woman right here is my Captain. Clyde and I have some past ties, but I don’t work for him. Killin’ you was supposed to be my interview.”  
  
Trask shifted his gaze to the Captain, who held it in steel. Felix had this way about him, always had. Just a real trustworthy nature. Made you think he was harmless. The trustworthiness was real - the harmlessness wasn’t.   
  
“I don’t trust Clyde,” Felix continued. “I think there’s something he isn’t telling me. And I’ve got a feeling you can help me fill in that blank.”  
  
Trask lowered his gun, and commanded his crew to stand down.   
  
“Bet he sold you the same lie he sells everyone. About takin’ down the Board, livin’ free and all.”  
  
Felix couldn’t hide the hurt in his voice. “If that’s a lie, Clyde’s been selling it to me for... years.”   
  
“So you got played even longer than we did.”  
  
“Clyde said you crossed him. What happened?”  
  
Trask snorted.  
  
“Yeah, that sounds about right. All I did was tell him I didn’t approve of the way he was doin’ things, and left. But he can’t let that stand. Can’t have any loose ends, nobody to spill his secrets.”  
  
“What secrets?”  
  
“I may be a criminal, but I’m a criminal with ideals. Only reason I joined up with Clyde is cause he made me believe he was workin’ for something bigger. So imagine my surprise when I come across some files - a stack of receipts. Payments received. Made out Clyde Harlow, from HHC.”  
  
The color drained from Felix’s face.  
  
“What was the Board paying him for?”  
  
“We did pretty standard piracy there. Hijacking freighters and transports. Stripping them of parts, taking their cargo, ransoming their crews. Turns out every ship we hauled in, Clyde was ordered to take by the Board.”  
  
Now it was Felix’s turn to draw his gun. He pointed to square between Trask’s eyebrows.   
  
“You’re lying,” he hissed. Trask glared disdainfully down the barrel of Felix’s gun, like he didn’t believe the boy would actually shoot him.  
  
“All the salvage, all the cargo, everything we pillaged. Thought we were fencing it. But we were selling it to the Board. And the crews we ransomed? Board bought them, too. Ones who were lucky ended up on Tartarus. Everyone else? Reeducation or indentureship, most likely."  
  
“_Void dammit,_” Felix hissed. His hand was shaking.   
  
“Felix,” the Captain murmured, stepping in. She lowered his arm, took the gun out of his hand, and entwined her fingers with his. He squeezed her hand and looked her in the eyes. Together, they took a breath.  
  
“Do you have proof?” he asked Trask. Trask looked at him with... pity. Understanding.   
  
“Of course, son. Stashed some before I realized it wasn’t worth my time. In a vent, in the hallway behind Clyde’s office.”   
  
“Your ring.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“I won’t kill you. Clyde asked for your ring as proof.”  
  
“Ah,” Trask nodded. “Here.” He pulled off his ring, a chunky pewter thing with an ugly crest on it, and sat it in Felix’s palm. He closed his fist around it, and he and the Captain left Trask in his gulch.  
  


* * *

  
  
The proof was where Trask had said it would be.   
  
With it laid out in front of his eyes, Felix couldn’t deny it. He couldn’t bury his head in the sand. Couldn’t run away.  
  
“Was he always like this? The entire time? Was everything he taught me a lie?”  
  
“Let’s go ask him.”  
  
The Captain was steaming. Violently angry. In this situation Felix’s first reaction was sadness and that’s exactly what was making her so fucking pissed at Clyde. She didn’t have any emotional attachment to him, but Felix did, and she had plenty of emotional attachment to _him. _Stars, she did.   
  
They found Clyde at his workbench. Felix led the charge - as much as Naomi wanted to, this was _his_ fight. She was just backup. Clyde turned to face them and Felix tossed Trask's ring down on the workbench.   
  
"Ah, excellent. Good work, Felix."  
  
That shit-eating grin on Clyde's face vanished, however, when Felix threw the stack of receipts down on top of the ring.  
  
"What the hell is this, Clyde? Payments from the Board - for salvage, cargo, and _hostages_?"  
  
"I see Trask couldn't leave well enough alone. Expected better from you, though, Felix. All our history, and you listened to him?"  
  
"You aren't even gonna try to deny it, huh?"  
  
"Would you like me to? The evidence is all right here, on paper, and I ain't fond of wasting my breath. But I'll put on a show, if it'll make you feel better."  
  
Naomi couldn't help herself. She loosed a few curses in his direction, under her breath.   
  
"Just tell me why, Clyde. Help me understand. Cause the Clyde Harlow I grew up with wouldn't take bits from the Board if his life depended on it."  
  
"Maybe one day you'll get it, when you grow up. Sometimes, in this system, you gotta do unpleasant things to get by. At the end of the day, we all work for the Board. Until the Board crumbles.”  
  
“You’re tellin’ me you couldn’t find fences for that loot? You couldn’t deal with Sub-Light? Besides that - the Board was _directing _you to take these ships. Even if you gotta sell to them, why take orders from them?”  
  
Clyde sighed, and shook his head.   
  
“Poor Felix. Never could know when to keep his nose out of other people's business."  
  
"You made this my business when you sent me that message, Clyde."  
  
Before anyone knew what was happening, Clyde had a pistol trained on Felix. The air went still.  
  
"There was a reason I wanted Trask dead. 'Cause of what he knew. Now you know it, too. You follow?"  
  
Slowly, quietly, the Captain started to reach for her gun. Felix scowled up at his old friend.  
  
"If there's nothing wrong with what you're doing, why do you need to kill to keep it secret? Why do you need to kill _me_ to keep it secret?"  
  
"I'm not stupid. I know how my crew would react. Same way you and Trask did. This is why I'm a leader - because I make the hard decisions, the decisions other people are too cowardly to make."  
  
Felix locked eyes with his Captain.   
  
"That's not what a leader is."   
  
Before Clyde could shoot, Naomi drew her pistol and brought the butt of it crashing down against the side of Clyde's skull. It was enough for Felix to get a hand on his own gun, and to get Clyde on the ground, with one of Felix's boots pinning him down at the shoulder.   
  
"You're the one who can't be allowed to live, Clyde. You're... _void dammit_... you're evil. I don't care if you sell a system's worth of salvage to the Board, but I can't have you ransoming off crews to them. Can't have you sending people straight into the _very _thing you spent my youth preachin' to me about."  
  
"Why not, Felix? Even if I don't do it, someone else will. Killing me won't make a difference."  
  
"Why'd you send me that message, Clyde? Why'd you drag me out here to this asteroid? Did you really expect me to just follow along blindly?"  
  
"Maybe," Clyde grunted. "Maybe I just wanted to teach you a lesson. Welcome to the real world, Felix. You're all grown up now."  
  
With his free hand, Clyde was reaching for something on his belt. The Captain had her eyes on him, like a hawk, and when she saw the handle of a combat knife she shouted.  
  
"Felix, he's got another weapon!"  
  
He closed his eyes and pulled the trigger. Once, twice, and he heard the knife clatter to the ground. He didn't want to look, but he felt like he had to, so he cracked open one eye. Clyde Harlow, the closest thing he'd ever had to a father, was dead. His face split in two and bloodied, unrecognizable. At least, Felix hoped, it was quick. He stood transfixed, unmoving, until he felt someone tugging at his elbow.  
  
"Come on, we gotta go!"  
  
It was the face of his Captain. Warmth flooded through him. Things were right again.  
  
"His whole crew will be on us in a minute. Let's get out of here."  
  
Of course. She took his hand, and they ran.   
  


* * *

  
  
  
"So I'm going back to my cell from the mess hall and suddenly the other team's tenth-back comes up to me, grabs me by the collar, and says 'that was an illegal play, yesterday. You know it, I know it, the ref knows it. I don't know why he didn't call it, but I'm gonna make you pay for it now.'"  
  
Vicar Max was sitting at the head of the kitchen table, and he had the rapt attention of every member of the Unreliable's crew. See, they'd _finally_ gotten him to share prison stories.  
  
"I said, illegal play? Go back to the rulebook. Nothin' illegal about it. You were beat, fair and square."  
  
Without taking her eyes off Max, Nyoka poured another round of drinks for the table (save Parvati, who was nursing a Lemon Slapp.) He continued.  
  
"Then he says 'and now I'm gonna beat _you_.'"  
  
"Idiot," scoffed Felix. "Don't go lookin' for a fight with the Vicar. You'll lose."  
  
"Yeah, you know from experience now, right Felix?" Ellie teased.   
  
"Hey, Felix put up a much better fight than this guy did."  
  
"What did you do, Vicar?!" Parvati leaned forward over the table, excitedly. "Did you beat him into the next system?"  
  
"I put him in the infirmary for a month. Only reason I stopped myself from killing him is cause I was sick of being put in solitary."  
  
"Vicar," Nyoka slurred. "You are t-truly... a paragon of restraint."  
  
"Thank you, Nyoka. The Warden agreed."   
  
Parvati giggled, Ellie muttered something about the extent of a beating it would take to injure a man that severely, and Felix and Nyoka were reenacting the prison fight. The Captain stood at the entrance to the kitchen, leaning against the doorframe with her arms crossed and a little smile on her face. She loved these people very much.  
  
Felix saw her and pretended to let Nyoka pretend to beat him in their pretend prison fight. When he could slip away without causing a stir, he stood and walked over to the Captain.  
  
"Take a walk with me?" he asked. She nodded, and followed him down the corridor of the crew's quarters.   
  
They walked down to the cargo bay and then up to the engine room. The heart of the ship was a great glowing, thrumming, hot thing. A chamber flooded with amber light, warmth, and a steady rumble. It was a comforting place to be.   
  
"It's good to see you laughing, havin' a good time," the Captain said. Felix gave her a look.  
  
"Boss, you don't have to worry about me. I already told you I'm fine."  
  
"What you went through was rough. Nobody would fault you for being a little rattled."  
  
Felix began to fidget with the ever-present bandages wrapped around his knuckles.   
  
"Another bootlicker with a bullet in his brain. It's a good thing, if you ask me. Shame it had to be him, but he made his choices."  
  
She looked like she didn't quite believe him, but wouldn't push it.  
  
"If you say so. Just know... it's okay if you're not okay. If you wanna be not okay for a little while. Just come and see me. I'll take care of you."  
  
"Take _care_ of me? Boss, I-"  
  
She whacked him in the arm playfully.  
  
"That's not what I meant. But, y'know - that works too."  
  
They'd been leaning on some random pieces of machinery that surely Parvati would not be happy about them using as furniture. He inched closer to her until their shoulders were touching, and she smiled down at him.  
  
"Felix, there's... something I oughta be telling you."  
  
His heart sank.  
  
"Somethin' bad?"  
  
"No, not like that. After what happened with Clyde, I just... feel like it's important for you to know."  
  
"Alright. Hit me."  
  
"When the Groundbreaker first came over, all the colonists were sponsored by corporations from the Board. That was the deal - you signed a contract, ten years of service, and they got you a cryopod on the ship."  
  
Felix nodded.  
  
"For most of the colonists, at least. People who the Board deemed of significant importance, it was... the opposite. You know, scientists and architects and leaders and all that. People who were necessary to build Halcyon. People who might need to be cajoled away from Earth. The Board paid them, a fair deal more than everyone else, and offered them all sorts of perks - guaranteed homes in Byzantium, a stake in the Board's profits, so on and so forth."  
  
"As the Board does."  
  
"Right. Every laborer is important. Only to them, some were more than others. Anyway, the Hope was the same way. Most paid the Board, for the chance at a better life in Halcyon. Some were paid _by_ the Board. High priority."   
  
She'd never told Felix anything about her past. She could be anyone, from anywhere on Earth. He'd never cared. What mattered was who she was now. But still...  
  
"Were you one of those people?" he asked, his voice hushed with awe.  
  
"I wasn't. But someone real close to me was. Blood close. You might've gathered this, but... I wasn't too keen on coming over here. My kin, the high priority person, needed caring for. Needs, I suppose. And being their kin puts a little extra shine on my name, but... it's shine I gotta live up to. I told you my field of work back on Earth was science. I inherited that. Inherited my job at UDL."  
  
"You worked for UDL?"  
  
She nodded.  
  
"I was pretty high up in R&D. Directed my own lab and everything. My kin was even higher. That was the contract we came on over. UDL. If the Hope had completed her journey as planned, Felix, I'd be a real certified starched-up Board bastard. I'd be even worse than those UDL troopers on the Groundbreaker - I'd be the one ordering them around, the one making sure their guns fired right... on people like you."  
  
"Is that it?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"That's what you needed to tell me?"  
  
"You understand why, right? I'm tellin' you I was one of them."  
  
He grinned.  
  
"_Were_. What'll you do, boss, when we thaw out the rest of the colonists? What's your plan?"  
  
"Well, Doc and I have some things to finalize, but... for starters? Sack the Chairman, dissolve the Board, install a parliament or senate of some sort, recolonize Terra 1 and dismantle Byzantium-"  
  
"Does that sound like bootlicker talk to you?"   
  
"I just..." she screwed her brows together. "I just don't wanna let you down, Felix."  
  
"_You_ let _me _down? Boss. You couldn't do that, no matter how hard you tried. If you're worried I'll think you're like Clyde, don't be. You've already proven yourself to me, hundred times over."   
  
He leaned over and brushed a curling tendril of hair out of her face, tucked it behind her ear, and let his hand rest on her cheek.  
  
"If Clyde made me the man I am today, I think it was all just so I would be ready to meet you."  
  
Stars, he could be kinda suave when he wanted to. It must have worked, cause the Captain got this misty sort of look in her eyes and lowered her face to kiss him. The warmth from the ship's engine washed over the both of them. He would never get sick of this, he thought. Yes, he'd been hurt by Clyde, and killing him was... unpleasant, to say the least. But in this moment, all he felt was overwhelmingly, exceptionally lucky.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> join me on [ tumblr ](https://forevermarked.tumblr.com/)


	8. felix felicis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Are you... are you sure about her? Really, really sure? Tell me straight, just this once, and I’ll leave you alone.”
> 
> “You see what happened in there?” He gestured towards the church, cigarette between his fingers. “She gave Zora a whole planet. Just handed it to her. Well, she gave me the whole universe.”
> 
> Something softened in Ellie’s eyes. 
> 
> “Spent twenty three years on that damn space station. It was awful. It was lonely, and scary, and boring, and awful. It was hopeless. I was hopeless. And then she came, and she gave me hope. She gave me freedom. Gave me the stars, the universe. Everything.”
> 
> “But what if something happens to take that away?”
> 
> “Nothing can take it away, Ellie. Not now.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stars y'all, i had such a wonderful time writing this chapter, and im so pleased with how it turned out. one of my favorite things about writing video game fanfiction is reimagining canon events, so writing the MSI/Iconoclast negotiation was SUPER fun. i'm getting very into Ellie and Felix's friendship. i started taking her on quests more and i love love love the progression of their banter and how she begrudgingly grows to like him. so there will be more of that. also, i discovered one reason why i like writing from Felix's point of view sooo much is - he isn't stupid. like he is kind of a himbo and i think he leans into that, but he's really actually very smart and i love the idea of him consciously choosing to let everyone think he's stupid. i love being in his head. there is smut in this chapter - if you wanna skip it, it starts at the second horizontal line and ends at the third. thank you so so much to everyone who has read, left kudos, and especially comments. i'm having such a lovely time writing this and getting comments and kudos always makes my day <3 <3 <3

_ A seventeen year old Naomi sat, languishing, in a municipal jail cell._   
  
_She was wearing a skimpy party dress and ripped stockings. Her knee was scraped and bloody, and streaks of mascara dried on her cheek. For hours she sat, on the cold concrete bench. First with her arms crossed, sulking. Then, laying on her side, with her hands between her thighs. Then curled up on the floor, hugging her knees into her chest. Time passed so slowly. Her anger never cooled. Only festered. _   
  
_Curled up on the floor was how her handlers found her, when morning broke. Two men and one woman, in starched UDL uniforms. Three faces she knew so well, too well. Her reluctant corporate family. _   
  
_“Heavens, Naomi. What did you do this time?” the woman spoke. Wendy. Her mother’s right hand. She had a small face, and dark hair cropped short. Naomi glowered back at her, silently. _   
  
_One of the men approached the cell bars. He had dark skin, salt-and-pepper hair, and kind brown eyes. That was Geoff, and Naomi had always been the closest to him. If she had a familial relationship with anyone, it was Geoff._   
  
_“Are you okay?” he asked, concerned. She sniffled and wiped her nose. _   
  
_“I’m fine.”_   
  
_The other man - Peter - held a datapad in his hand. _   
  
_“Police report says possession of a fake ID, minor in possession, disturbing the peace, assault and battery, public intoxication... Law, little one. Seventeen is no age to be getting into bar fights.”_   
  
_How could she explain it to them? They wouldn't understand, even if she could find the words._

_“She couldn’t come?” she said, instead. The three handlers looked between each other. Their situation was unique, and sometimes awkward. Usually a laborer like Maira would sign her child away. But Maira was a person who was so smart, so valuable, she could get away with anything she wanted. And what she wanted was to keep her daughter in her life, without actually doing any of the work of mothering._   
  
_“She’s very busy,” Wendy offered, her mouth drawn into a tight line. “Time-sensitive work keeps her in the lab, unable to leave. Though I’m sure the stress of her seventeen year old daughter being tossed in the drunk tank has already disrupted her work. I know I don’t need to tell you that this is very unbecoming of the daughter of Maira Nabor.”_   
  
_That’s all she would ever be. Her mother’s daughter. She rolled her eyes, and Wendy continued._   
  
_“You'll be starting university soon. So much as a misdemeanor charge could cause you to lose your scholarships."_   
  
_“But you’ve made it all go away, right?” Naomi’s voice was dripping with bitter sarcasm. Wendy glared back. _   
  
_“We did, and you should be very grateful.”_   
  
_Naomi sighed, heavily. _   
  
_“What’s the point, then? Just get me out of here.”_   
  
_An officer came to unlock her cell. He seemed annoyed. Naomi was annoyed. Her handlers were annoyed. She was sure her mother was annoyed, back at her lab. How unfair, that Naomi didn’t get to see it. By the time she returned, her mother would’ve cooled off, too deep in her work for feelings._   
  
_One of her heels was broken. A terribly impractical pair of shoes, hard to walk in sober much less drunk. Geoff offered his arm, and she draped one of hers over his shoulder. He gave her a look, and supported her as she limped out of the prison._   
  


* * *

  
  
Dr. Phineas Welles stood among the cryopods of the Hope. Hundreds of thousands of them, rising up the ship’s cavernous walls. It felt like a cathedral. He was bathed in the cool blue light of the pods, bowed by the reverent silence of an entire population slumbering, forgotten. He hadn't forgotten.  
  
There was a section of pods covered in white sheets. His biggest failure. This _was_ a cathedral, in a way. He was a man of science, not faith, but... every day, he prayed in his own way. For their souls. For forgiveness. That it would be worth something.   
  
He didn’t like to look at them for too long. His visits to the cryopod chambers focused mostly on one pod, next to the sole vacant podspace in the entire chamber. Through the small viewport of this pod was the peacefully slumbering face of an older woman, with olive skin and a strong nose and a wild mass of silver hair. Delicately dusted in frost, ancient and ageless. If anyone had been around to see, they would’ve seen the strangest look pass over Dr. Welles’ face. It was soft and tender, two things he was not often.   
  
The Doctor raised his fingers to touch the glass.   
  
“Soon your work will be put to good use, Maira.”  
  
His gaze fell to rest on the empty space next to her.   
  
“She’s working very hard. You’ll be so proud of her.”

* * *

  
**September 1st, 2355**  
  
Restless something awful today. Boss went out to do a Sub-Light job with Nyoka and Ellie, left me on the ship. Which is fine, I guess. Can’t expect her to take me out on every run. Wouldn’t want the rest of the crew to think she’s playing favorites. Only, I can’t stand being apart from her. Can’t stand it at all. Got half a mind to just head out there on my own, meet up with them in the field. But I don’t wanna look desperate.  
  
After what happened with Clyde, Ellie took the opportunity to lecture me on the dangers of getting too attached to people. Went on and on about how I can’t expect any better than what Clyde did from anyone else in the system, that people are selfish and dishonest and will only ever let you down. I think she can see what’s happening. Think everyone can, except maybe the Captain herself. I feel sad for Ellie, and I don’t care what she says. I think it’s worth getting hurt, to give your all. Way I see it, I had nothing when the boss picked me up. So no matter what she takes from me, I’ll still be in the black. Can’t ever imagine her taking more than she gives, so I’ll give too, as much as I can for as long as I can. No matter what happens, I’ll love her all the same.  
  
_His pen scratched to a halt. He sat still, his heart thundering._  
  
Woah. That’s a big word. Never said that before, least not about her, and nothing that happened before matters. 

_He heard a knock at his door._  
  
“Who is it?” Felix slammed his journal shut, wiped his sweaty palms on his vest.  
  
“It’s me, Cap.”  
  
Oh stars, it was her.   
  
“C-come in!” He stammered, and tried his best to compose himself. The door opened and there she was, fresh from the showers. He must’ve missed the shore party returning to board. No surprise, he was so deep in his own thoughts. She was blotting her hair dry with a towel, dressed in simple leisure clothes. If he’d been flustered, it all melted away. He was just glad to see her.  
  
“Hey, boss. How was the abandoned space station? Spooky? Scary? Full of space ghosts?”  
  
“Kinda, actually.” She plopped down into the second chair Felix had started keeping in his room, just for her. “Real unpleasant place. Lilya must have wanted it real bad, cause she paid us a fat bag of bits for it. Everyone is getting a bonus after this job.”  
  
She draped her legs across his lap. Sometimes he was still disarmed by this comfortable intimacy.   
  
“I’ll buy you a drink, then,” he quipped. “Next time we’re in Fallbrook.”  
  
“Next time we’re in Fallbrook, Monarch will be a different place.”  
  
"Guess it will, huh?"  
  
By now, he knew all about the Captain's plans for Monarch. In fact, he'd been _consulted _on them, which was... odd. He was the muscle, not the brains. Happy to do whatever work needed to set plans in motion, but never before had he been asked for his opinion, his insight.  
  
"Sanjar and Graham have been running that place into the ground for years," he mused, drawing a hand thoughtfully up the curve of her leg. "And all of a sudden you come along to set it right. I think it's amazing what you can do, boss."  
  
"Not me. Us."  
  
"It's okay to take a little credit, you know. This whole colony would've kept on going nowhere, if you hadn't shown up. I'm lucky to even be alive at the same time as you are, to see this all happen, much less to be... _here._"  
  
She sank into his touch, leaned her head back and smiled.  
  
"You sure know how to make a girl feel special, Felix."  
  
"You _are_ special."  
  
"You know it wasn't on any sort of merit that Doc Welles picked me, right? And did I ever tell you how I came into possession of this ship? My escape pod crushed and killed it’s old captain. I’m not kidding. Dumb luck, all around.”  
  
“_Stars, _boss!” He elbowed her, playfully. “Will you just let me be sweet to you?!”  
  
She giggled and pounced, leveraging her legs across his lap to pull herself upright and straddle him.   
  
“Sorry, Felix. Ghost ship put me in a real gloomy mood.”  
  
She wrapped her arms around his neck, her still-damp and fragrant hair curtaining over him. He closed his eyes and inhaled, his hands coming up to grasp her hips.   
  
“You _are _real sweet to me. And I’m glad you’re _here,_ too.”  
  
He looked up at her fondly, brushing a thumb against her cheek as he held her face.  
  
“Look, boss. All I’m sayin’ is, my stars must’ve aligned something fierce, more than once. For you to let me on your crew, for you to care for me, for you to let me into your bed...”  
  
With a contented hum, she leaned down to kiss him. Her back arched as her hips buckled, involuntarily.  
  
“You earned your place on my crew,” she purred. “And in my bed.”   
  
A wicked little game she’d played with him, their first encounter, forcing him to keep his hands to himself. But he understood why, now. Now that she was straddling his lap, now that his hands were free to roam, now that her body was on his, so close to him... everything he’d explored by sight, he now explored by touch. Her skin was clean, soft, and warm. He endlessly fascinated by the shape of her, the feel of her.  
  
“Maybe you’d be in a better mood if you’d taken me on that job with you,” he nipped at her jaw, teasing.   
  
“Awww,” she ruffled his hair. “I’m sorry, pup. Are you sad you got left behind?”  
  
Fuck. _Fuck._ That did something for him.   
  
“Of course not! I’m just saying...”  
  
She kissed his neck, nibbled at his ear.   
  
“Maybe if you’re good, I’ll take you out next time.”  
  
He pouted.   
  
“Am I not good enough already?”  
  
“Mm... no. You’re bad. In fact,” she shifted her hips, just enough to let him know that she could feel his erection. “I think you’re _very_ bad.”  
  
He groaned and bit his lip. She had a fistful of his hair and was holding him just centimeters away from her face, from her lips, looking down at him with heavy-lidded eyes.   
  
“Well you’re a bad influence, boss. I was a good, innocent boy before I met you.”  
  
She tilted her head back and laughed. A bright, vicious sound.  
  
“Liar.”  
  
He started to protest.  
  
“But you can try and convince me. Show me how good you can be.”  
  
She loosed her hand from his hair, freeing him, and he brought his mouth crashing against hers. His hands moved up her back, trying to pull her as close as he could, until their bodies were flush. She was grinding her hips against him and he couldn’t take it. He needed more of her, all of her, now.  
  
Felix lifted his Captain‘s shirt over her head and threw it to the side. She let out a little gasp when the chilled ship air touched her skin, but Felix’s hands were warm, his mouth warmer. Both were hungry and frenetic, his hands moving up to her breasts while his mouth trailed down the side of her neck, across her collarbone, onto her shoulder. When he brushed his thumb over her nipple he felt her back stiffen - even moreso when he trailed his lips between her breasts and then took the same nipple in his mouth, swirling his tongue around it and catching it lightly between his teeth. Such a simple, intoxicating thing - he acted and she reacted.   
  
When she stood up, he understood the implicit command. He hooked his fingers into the waistband of her pants, and smoothly pulled them and her undergarments off in one motion. She kicked them to the side and with that, she stood over him completely nude.  
  
He’d been dreaming of this, basically nonstop, since last time. She’d let him look, but not touch - turns out that was very effective fuel for his desire. He grabbed her hips and pulled her forward, closer to him. He ran his hands up the outside of her thighs, around to her ass. He inhaled the scent of her, like he hadn’t been able to breathe for years.   
  
“Boss,” he said softly, looking up at her. “Boss, you’re fucking perfect.”  
  
She crinkled her nose affectionately and laced her hands through his hair.   
  
“I think maybe I’m just perfect for you.”  
  
She felt him smile into her skin as he laid a gentle kiss just above her navel.   
  
“I’m sure of that,” he murmured, his fingers traveling slowly up the inside of her thigh, teasing the silky skin there. He felt her heat, radiating out, heard her inhale sharply as he crept closer and closer. He watched her, intently, to see the change in her face when he finally reached her sex. First he teased his fingers over the outside, the velvety-soft lips. Watched her get frustrated and antsy, waited until she was basically grinding against his hand. And then, at last, he entered.   
  
”Felix,” she whispered, gripping his shoulders. He pressed his thumb against her clit and entered her first with one finger, then two. She was wet, and getting wetter. He kept his gaze trained up so he could see her bite her lip, roll her head back as he fucked her with his fingers.  
  
“Is that good, boss?”   
  
”Mm, yes.” He felt her legs buckle a little. “But I think you can do better.”  
  
“Oh yeah?” There was a wicked little edge in his voice. He always did love a challenge. If she was gonna be like that, well... he withdrew his fingers, trailing a slick line down the inside of her thigh, and without breaking eye contact licked her off of his fingers. He’d never tasted honey, only artificial chemical sweeteners, but he imagined this was what it was like. An unbearable sweetness on his tongue. He needed more.  
  
He guided her over and up onto his desk. His journal, along with whatever else was on the desk, clattered to the floor, forgotten and unimportant. He got on his knees before her and she opened her legs, playfully resting her toes on his shoulders.  
  
Felix had never been much of a spiritual guy. Never had much to worship. That was before. Now, kneeling before her, he knew what it meant. Devotion, adoration. Worship. He lavished it upon her legs, first - would be a shame to rush in to this. A volley of kisses, up her calves and the inside of her thighs, all finely-sculpted and well-muscled. It tickled her, and she giggled. When he couldn’t wait any longer, his lips traveled all the way up the inside of her thigh, to what waited between her legs.  
  
The sound she made when he first put his mouth on her - he wanted to remember that forever. His Captain wasn’t a delicate woman but the way she gasped just then, the sharp intake of breath like she was surprised, it was a sound made of crystal and stardust. At first, just a teasing touch of his tongue, a gentle exploration of folds of her. He had to pace himself. He wanted to drown in her, and he would if he could.  
  
She rocked her hips and let out a breathy whine, frustrated again as his tongue slid everywhere but her clit. Unacceptable - he couldn’t be the one teasing her. She grabbed his hair, a command that set something on fire inside of him. He let himself drown.  
  
Her sweetness flooded his senses, raw and wild. He kept a relentless pace of swirling, sucking, and pressing. In all the universe there was only her, grinding against his face as he lapped at her like a thirsty dog. Only the sounds he pulled out of her, the breathless moans and desperate uttering of his name over and over again. Just like she’d always done, she taught him, led him - when he moved a certain way, with a certain pressure or speed, her moans would pitch up or she would tell him yes, god, fuck, yes and he focused his attentions in this way. This was where he belonged, on his knees, between her legs. This was worship.  
  
When he sensed she was close by the way her muscles were tensing, he entered her with two fingers. With those fingers he beckoned her - come, while his tongue continued it’s dutiful work. She tightened her thighs around his head, her back arching and hips buckling so much she was almost lifting herself off the desk. With his free hand he held her down, digging into the softness of her hip. He could die here, he thought, happily and knowing his life served a purpose.   
  
“Felix.... f-fuck, Felix...”  
  
He felt her orgasm building up inside of her, felt her clench around his fingers, heard it in her voice. It was a beautiful thing, when it happened. Unbearably so. Her breath left her lungs and her entire body tensed, frozen, as it wracked her in waves. He felt her toes curling on his shoulder. She came onto his tongue, onto his hand, and he drank of her so deeply it was like he’d been stranded in the cold desert of space all his life. He had been, hadn’t he?   
  
He needed a minute to compose himself, before facing her. Afraid she'd see the depths of devotion in his eyes, be weirded out by it or something. So he kissed his way back up, taking his time, tasting the light sheen of sweat on her skin. Her hair was wild, and he nestled into it as he pressed his lips into the crook of her neck.   
  
"Was that good enough, boss?"  
  
By the way she was looking up at him, he knew he was in for it. He’d never seen unbridled lust like that before - dark, smoldering, dangerous.   
  
“No,” she said flatly, her eyes boring into him.  
  
At some point while servicing her, he’d unzipped his pants to tend to himself, without realizing it. Probably knew his dick would explode if he didn’t do something. He grinned wickedly as he stood above her, stroking himself.  
  
“Guess I’ll just have to try harder.”  
  
She scooted herself down on the desk so she was almost laying flat, and he threw off his vest and shirt as fast as he could.   
  
“Boss, I...” he cleared his throat. “I might not last very long. I’m already real fired up, and I’ve, uh... been wanting this for a while.”   
  
“You’ll last as long as I say, Felix. You aren’t cumming unless I tell you to.”  
  
All the blood ran out of his face and straight into his dick, which didn’t help the current situation at all.  
  
“Boss -“ he choked.  
  
“Don’t you wanna show me how good you are?” she crooned.   
  
She was un-fucking-believable. He hadn’t even known he had this streak in him until he met her. To be controlled by her, to do what she ordered him to, to please her and serve her... maybe that was his place in this universe. It was looking more and more likely. He swallowed.  
  
“Yes, Captain.”  
  
He teased the head of his dick along her slit, setting every nerve in his body on fire. She hummed her approval.   
  
“Make me cum again, and then you can. The sooner I do, the sooner you do.”  
  
That was all the encouragement he needed. He braced himself, hands flat on the desk, and entered her, completely.   
  
Her eyes went wide and she let out a little gasp, arching her back. He filled her, stretched her. He hung his head and for a moment he was still. It was all so much. She felt so, so good. For a moment, he just let himself experience the feeling of her walls around him, already taut and throbbing from her first orgasm.   
  
He tried to take it slow, at first. Tried to restrain himself. It seemed like the proper thing to do. But he got in two or three slow strokes before he lost control (like he’d ever had it to begin with.) The way she was looking up at him... holding his gaze, it was almost too much. He wanted to look away but he couldn’t.   
  
The angle she was at allowed him access to the deepest parts of her, and he fucked her hard and fast. The desk clattered against the wall - they were making a terrible amount of noise, though neither of them cared. Felix couldn’t have been brought to care about anything else in the system, at that moment. Chairman Rockwell could be standing unguarded within firing range asking to be shot and he wouldn’t reach for his pistol. Not when every time he pushed into her it drew some new, unexpected sound from her throat. Not when some horrible pressure was building at the base of his spine.  
  
“B-Boss...”  
  
“Not yet, Felix,” she panted. “You’re - ah - you’re doing so good. Don’t stop.”  
  
He squeezed his eyes shut, drew in all of his focus. He pushed himself harder, further, than he thought possible. She inspired that in him, always had, cause she deserved it. He brought a shaking hand down to frenetically rub her clit as his dick pumped in and out, felt her tighten in response. She wrapped her arms around his neck.  
  
”Boss,” he whimpered. Pathetic, pleading. He watched her eyes roll back.  
  
“Please, Law, please, boss.”  
  
She latched her legs around his hips. That was it. He felt her convulse around him, heard faintly somewhere her moaning his name as the waves broke and she came around his dick. The only important words cut through the fog, cut straight to his core.  
  
“Good boy,” she purred. “Cum for me.”   
  
He let go, with a sound like a dying animal. He couldn’t see, couldn’t hear, couldn’t breathe. He emptied himself in her, and she milked him for every last drop - everything he had, everything, he gave to her gladly. The release, forcibly delayed, was sweeter than he’d ever imagined anything could be. Tears stung at the corners of his eyes.  
  
When it was over, he was sweating and shaking and gasping for breath. He let his head fall forward, to rest on her shoulder, and she snaked her hands softly up and down his back. He kissed her everywhere he could, her shoulder her neck her jaw her cheek and finally her lips. When he broke away and looked at her, they both broke into laughter.  
  
“You’re crazy,” he said hoarsely.  
  
“You like it,” she crinkled her nose, brushed his sweaty hair out of his face.  
  
“I love it.”  
  
He pulled himself out of her, each of them exhaling, a satisfied sigh. His cum was dripping out of her, but he couldn’t think about that too much or he’d get hard again and he couldn’t handle any more of that. Suddenly he felt very dizzy, very weak. He stumbled over to the bed and flopped down.   
  
The Captain cleaned herself up with the towel she’d come in with - so much for that shower. She’d go to bed tonight with sex all over her. It was better than battle-dirt, anyway. When she started to get dressed again, he sat up on his elbows.  
  
“Got somewhere to be, boss?”  
  
She just grinned at him sideways as she tugged on her pants.  
  
“Tomorrow we parlay with Sanjar. I need a solid night’s sleep - and so do you.”  
  
He pouted.  
  
“Can’t have a solid night’s sleep with me?”  
  
“Don’t think we’d be doing much sleeping.”  
  
“Well, can’t argue with that.”  
  
She went to him, bent over, and kissed him chastely on the forehead.  
  
“Night, Felix. Sweet dreams.”  
  
“Yeah,” he echoed, incredulously. “Sweet dreams.”  
  
She left him with the taste of her, the scent of her, and the stars outside his window. He looked at them - they were the only ones who could answer the questions in his heart.  
  
How in the hell did I end up here? How did I get so lucky?  
  
His journal lay discarded on the floor, where the Captain had knocked it off his desk. Not even an hour ago he’d put it into words on those pages, for the first time ever, that he loved her. That seemed like a lifetime ago, and ‘love’ seemed too trite a word for what he was feeling now.   
  


* * *

  
  
The MSI/Iconoclast negotiations took place in the OSI church that sat on the ruins outside Stellar Bay’s walls. Bit by bit, the wilderness of Monarch had consumed what used to be of the city, and the ruins were left to be picked clean by the beasts and outlaws that created them. Officers from each faction came early to clear out the area, and guard the perimeter.   
  
Zora was there, looking strong and proud as ever, with a small contingent of her most trustworthy Iconoclasts. Sanjar with his assistant Celia, a few city officials, and a handful of troopers. A gang of Catherine Malin’s toughest looking thugs and smugglers made themselves comfortable in the pews, boots all on the benches. The Captain had brought her entire crew and the Vicar was glaring daggers at the Sub-Light ruffians, desecrating this sacred space. Way Felix saw it, nature had desecrated it enough already.   
  
The Captain stood at Zora’s side, and her crew sat in the pews opposite Malin’s people. If Sanjar had any delusions of these negotiations working out on his favor... Felix could see those delusions leaving his eyes, quickly.  
  
“Sanjar,” Zora inclined her head politely.  
  
“Miss Blackwood. I have the distinct feeling I’m being ganged up on.”  
  
“These are diplomatic negotiations, Sanjar,” the Captain said sternly. “There will be no violence or coercion.”  
  
“Just the threat of it, I suppose,” he quipped.   
  
“My people are dying.” Zora’s voice shook. “We need medicine, food, and supplies. By cutting us off, you’ve condemned innocent people to die, and forced my hand.”   
  
“The Iconoclasts are_ hardly_ innocent.”  
  
“Really, Sanjar? They’re honest people, workers just like yours. And you’re fine with them dying, over ideological differences?”  
  
Zora was getting angry. The Captain put a hand on her arm, whispered words of calm. Then, the Captain stepped in. She stood straight, crossing her arms, looking like she was twenty feet tall. A shiver ran down Felix’s spine.  
  
“Monarch Stellar Industries will be dissolved, immediately.” She spoke with such authority. It was astounding.   
  
“On who’s authority?!” Sanjar rebuffed.   
  
“On the authority of everyone else on this planet,” the Captain hissed. “The Iconoclasts are ready to storm the city, and they have Catherine Malin’s support.”   
  
The Sub-Light thugs jeered.  
  
“This is no negotiation,” Sanjar narrowed his eyes. “This is a coup.”  
  
“The Hazard Clause was a gift, Sanjar. It was freedom. And you’ll throw it away, chain us back to the masters who cut us off and left us for dead.”  
  
“Clearly you know nothing about my plan - just because MSI is on the Board doesn’t mean the Hazard Clause will be revoked.”  
  
“No, but it does mean Monarch would be run by a Board corporation. Right now it isn’t, and that’s a beautiful thing.”  
  
“We _need_ the Board’s protection! We need their resources!”  
  
“That’s the thing,” Zora’s eyes lit up. “We _don’t_. All we need is each other.”   
  
Sanjar was fuming.  
  
“Nonsense. Madness. I won’t let myself be overthrown by a stranger to this colony.”  
  
Felix felt anger spark in his chest.  
  
“She’s our only hope,” Zora said. The Captain looked at Sanjar with pity.  
  
“You’d be wise to just let this happen. There’s no need for violence, but we’re prepared to do what’s necessary.”  
  
“And we have something that might help convince you.”  
  
Two Iconoclast soldiers entered the church. Each held the elbow of a prisoner who had his hands bound behind his back and his mouth taped shut. A wave of murmurs rushed through the church - it was Graham Bryant. Dressed in plainclothes, stripped of his Iconoclast insignia.  
  
“What the hell?” Felix whispered. Ellie, seated next to him, grinned.  
  
“Nice. I think we’re about to see some frontier justice.”  
  
Felix had grown disillusioned with Graham, yes, but... what was going on? He felt dread, sick in his stomach.   
  
Sanjar looked the most disturbed of all. Like he’d seen a ghost.   
  
“What’s the meaning of this?”  
  
Graham hung his head.   
  
“Do you remember the Amber Heights massacre, Sanjar?”  
  
“Of course. A terrible tragedy, one which placed me in my position today.”  
  
“Amber Heights was supposed to be secure. Did you ever wonder how the pirates gained access?”  
  
“Of course. I wonder that all the time. But I don’t see what that has to do with Graham.”  
  
Zora waited, patiently, while Sanjar worked that one out for himself. Horror dawned across his face. Something more like heartbreak, actually. When Sanjar was ready to listen, she spoke.  
  
“For the crime of providing Amber Heights gate codes to a gang of outlaws, resulting in the death of twenty-five MSI employees and their families, we have placed Graham Bryant under arrest.”  
  
“Do you have proof?” Sanjar asked, his voice tight. Zora nodded solemnly, and handed him a datapad.   
  
The tone in the church changed drastically. Felix had the feeling he was watching something personal unfold, now. Sanjar walked to Graham, slowly, and dropped to his knees in front of him.  
  
“Why, Graham? _Why_?”  
  
The fact that Sanjar didn’t remove the tape over Graham’s mouth, or ask Zora to, showed that he wasn’t actually interested in a response. Graham shook his head, his shoulders bowed in shame. Sanjar reached up and placed a hand softly on Graham’s cheek.  
  
“Oh,” Parvati whispered. “I knew they had a history. I didn’t know it was like _that_.”  
  
It became very clear, suddenly. Felix knew Sanjar and Graham had been close, in their youth. Not just best friends. More. They’d been lovers.  
  
“It was so much simpler back then,” Sanjar continued. His eyes welled, bittersweet. “Even the past few years, constantly competing with you... it’s made me better. I suppose, in a twisted way, I have you to thank for all my achievements.”  
  
It was painful, the look in Graham’s eyes. This was a private moment. An intimate moment. Felix shouldn’t be seeing it. None of them should.   
  
Sanjar turned to Zora.  
  
“What’s the meaning of this? Why have you burdened me with this knowledge?”  
  
“My methods and motivation are different from Graham’s. Always have been. I aim to build, to work, to make this community thrive - not to proselytize. I want you to know that I really and truly have the best interests of this planet at heart.”  
  
“And another thing...” she continued. “If you accept our terms, your final act as CEO of Monarch Stellar Industries will be sentencing the criminal Graham Bryant. If you refuse, we will enact our sentence.”  
  
Zora drew her pistol, and aimed it straight at Graham’s forehead.  
  
“Which is execution. Immediate.”  
  
Stars, but this was brutal. Brutal enough already, threatening Sanjar with a show of force. But using his former lover as a hostage? Felix was glad he was on Zora’s side. Wouldn’t want to cross her. Though... he looked at the Captain, who oversaw the whole thing with keen eyes, and wondered how much of this was her doing.  
  
“I accept,” Sanjar said, after a long moment. “And I sentence Graham Bryant to incarceration. Whatever that looks like under Monarch’s... new government. Promise me you won’t kill him.”  
  
“You have my word”  
  
“Very well, then. Lay out your terms.”  
  
The three leaders then went deep into conversation, laying out plans for the future - what would happen to Sanjar and his workforce, how the Iconoclasts would integrate back into Stellar Bay, and how they would eventually take back the ruins and settle even more of the wilderness. Not necessarily a peaceful resolution, but... nobody got hurt, at least.  
  
“Damn,” Felix said. “I knew Graham was full of hot air, but I never thought he’d do something like that.”   
  
“What did I tell you, Felix?” Ellie leaned forward.  
  
“That everyone in the whole system is rotten and evil?”  
  
“Yep. Are you ever gonna listen to me?”  
  
“You’re the most rotten and evil of all, Ellie,” he teased. “And I wish you would cut out the ‘trust no one’ business. It’s cliche.”  
  
“Cliche?! What’s cliche about protecting yourself?”  
  
“Leave him alone, Ellie.” Parvati jumped to his defense. “How come you never lecture anyone else about this like you do Felix?”  
  
Ellie gave Parvati a look.  
  
“You _know_ why.”  
  
Felix was started to get a little bit angry, actually.  
  
“You know what, Ellie? If you don’t trust our Captain, maybe you should leave her crew.”  
  
“I trust her enough to fly on her ship, but I’m not the one following her around with puppy dog eyes all the time. I’m not the one who was giving it to her last night loud enough for the whole ship to hear.”   
  
“That’s it. I’m going for a walk.”  
  
Felix stormed off, out of the church, past the formerly-MSI and Iconoclast guards. He found a quiet spot and lit a cigarette. What the hell was Ellie’s problem? Why was she so fixated on this? It’s almost like she wanted things to go wrong.   
  
And there she was, approaching sheepishly.   
  
“Go away, Ellie.”  
  
“Look, Felix. I’m sorry.”  
  
“Do you really live like this? Not getting attached to anyone or anything cause you might get hurt?”  
  
“Yeah, I do. Got hurt so bad once, it spooked me.”  
  
Felix looked at her, surprised. Ellie? Being vulnerable?  
  
“Well I’m sorry, Ellie. But I’m not like you.”  
  
“I know you’re not. I guess I’m... I’m kinda jealous. And that’s why I _really_ don’t wanna see you end up like me.”  
  
“Thanks for your concern.” He was half-sarcastic, half-sincere.  
  
“Are you... are you sure about her? Really, really sure? Tell me straight, just this once, and I’ll leave you alone.”  
  
“You see what happened in there?” He gestured towards the church, cigarette between his fingers. “She gave Zora a whole planet. Just handed it to her. Well, she gave me the whole universe.”  
  
Something softened in Ellie’s eyes.   
  
“Spent twenty three years on that damn space station. It was awful. It was lonely, and scary, and boring, and awful. It was hopeless. _I_ was hopeless. And then she came, and she gave me hope. She gave me freedom. Gave me the stars, the universe. Everything.”  
  
“But what if something happens to take that away?”  
  
“Nothing can take it away, Ellie. Not now.”   
  
She bit her lip thoughtfully. Felix was her polar opposite in every way. She couldn’t bring herself to understand his point of view. But she admired it, so, so much.   
  
“Alright, Felix. I believe you. I’ll stop.”   
  
“I know you were comin’ from a good place, but if you could just, ya know, be happy for me?”  
  
“Seems like I should be happy for her, from the noises comin’ from your bunk last night.”  
  
Felix grinned, and stamped out his cigarette.   
  
“One of Felix Millstone’s many talents. Come on, let’s get back. Boss’ll be wondering where we ran off to.”

* * *

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> join me on [ tumblr ](https://forevermarked.tumblr.com/)


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